Where to begin with this film? I’m not sure because it’s such an oddity to me. There are things I love and things I do not. While I’m sure I will touch on the things I do not like, I intend to remain positive because the rest of the internet has bashed the film mercilessly. It’s dependable that way. But even as I say that, I feel myself wincing at the promise I just made. So, I’ll try to do my best OK? Let’s do this.
After almost 20 years, the announcement came that we were getting a new Indiana Jones and I couldn’t believe it. It seemed unfathomable to me at that time because IT HAD BEEN 20 YEARS! But then the trailer dropped to confirm it all and I was eager to jump back into the adventures of Indiana Jones.
I saw this movie the weekend it opened. It wasn’t a large crowd in the theater because I went to the earliest showing the Friday it premiered. While I would like to say it was due to my eagerness as a fan, that’s not 100% of it. This film, along with the birth of the MCU, came out the very year my first marriage was falling apart. One might think it could represent a year of bad memories, but I view it as a year of change. But that’s a topic for another conversation. When I left the theater, I can say I was neither pleased nor disappointed. Just kind of indifferent. There were bits I enjoyed, and others that made me wonder what the thought process was behind that decision.
So the film kicks off in 1957 which is an accurate representation of time since we last saw Indy. The Soviets are now the threat of the time which makes sense. We are introduced to their high ranking leader Irina Spalko played by Cate Blanchett who does a marvelous job here. Say what you want about this movie, but she plays a formidable villain and holds her own against Harrison Ford. Too bad it couldn’t have been in a better movie.
Harrison Ford hops back into the role of Indy with ease. Nothing about his performance feels out of place. In fact, I loved the few jokes that poked fun at his age. The man isn’t a spry chicken anymore. Of course he’s not going to be able to do the things he used to. The failed whip swing to the truck is absolutely on point and one of the best moments in the film. I’m also glad they didn’t go overboard with the jokes. He’s older. You’ve acknowledged it. Let’s move on.
We also get introduced to George McHale, aka Mac played by Ray Winstone. While I like Winstone as an actor, I absolutely loathe his character here because Mac is the character archetype that has been done to death. The friend turned betrayer all to get some money who then tries to explain himself later on when it’s convenient like it matters at that point. I had him pegged from the start because they’re all the same, and the series had never had that type of character which I appreciated the hell out of. Every friend that was introduced was trustworthy… until this guy.
While I’ve heard arguments regarding the use of aliens in this film, I get what George Lucas was aiming for. At this point in American history, there were conspiracy theories surrounding alien invaders such as the famed Area 51 incident. Furthermore, you had the U.S. and the Soviets in a race to see who could get to space first, as if claiming land on the moon was going to change things. So ridiculous to think about now. Anyway, it was part of that time period, much like the Nazis were in the late 1930s. So I appreciate that element.
While it was neat to revisit the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant was stored, seeing it was not necessary to me. Just from the looks of the place, you could tell it was the same place. Hell, I think a spin-off story could be told about that place and all the secret artifacts it could contain. Also, I can’t imagine Indy is the only one who has brought items to the government that have been stored here. So, who are the other adventurers and what’s their story?
Let’s talk about “nuking the fridge” and the fuss people have made about this particular scene. First of all, if you find it unrealistic, then clearly you have a beef with the plane jump from Temple of Doom. And the face melting from angry spirits in Raiders. Oh and the rapid aging scene of Donovan plus the magic healing water from the Grail in Last Crusade. See where I’m going with this? And before you attempt any further argument, science has proven the nuked fridge to be possible so… I don’t know what to tell you at this point. This is fantasy adventure. Expand your mind on what’s probable and enjoy the ride.
The scene with Indy speaking with the FBI was another scene I quite enjoyed. It put some context around his life for the last twenty years, showing him to be a well-respected war hero. Or at least to one of them anyway. Agent Janitor wasn’t buying it.
That context was then expounded upon his return to Marshall College where we learn the fates of Marcus Brody and Henry Jones Sr. While it was disappointing not getting to see either of them return, I feel like in the context of this film, it makes sense. Obviously Denholm Elliot couldn’t return due to having passed almost 20 years ago, Connery’s presence could have undercut the weight of Indy being a man of a certain age. The script would have had to change… which could have benefitted the film greatly or ruined it more. We’ll never know.
So, I suppose we need to talk about Shia LaBeouf being in this movie. When rumors began flying about this movie possibly happening, I remember hearing that the film would feature Indy’s daughter. Those who know some of the deeper lore of Indiana Jones outside of the films speculated this could have been Sophie, who was introduced in the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. The script in question was apparently penned by Frank Darabont, best known for the Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. However, Spielberg was not onboard with this idea and wanted it changed to be his son. Personally, I have no idea why this felt like a change worth making. Perhaps Spielberg wanted a stand-off relationship between a father and son that mirrored Indy’s own relationship with his father. However, I think it could have worked the same way with his daughter. She was already established so why not use her? No word on whether or not she still exists canonically.
Over the last ten years or so, Shia LaBeouf has had his share of problems. Prior to that, I instantly became a fan of his due to his performance in Transformers. I thought he nailed that character in that ONE movie. It’s very possible Spielberg thought the same and wanted to work with him here. The problem is that the character of Mutt Williams, which is a terrible name by the way, is not a character best suited for Shia LaBeouf. Who would have been better? Name any other actor with a background playing THIS type of character in THIS kind of movie and you have your Mutt. That’s all I’m saying. The personality LaBeouf was meant to portray doesn’t feel in any way natural to the actor. And I’m all for casting against type. But sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Here is the latter… at least for me.
Mutt tells Indy about the abduction of Harold Oxley and his mother which kicks off the new adventure. Oxley is played by the chameleon that is John Hurt. The man always brings his A-game, no matter the role and here is no different. While I would love to say it was an absolute surprise seeing Marion return, I felt it was coming from the start. I mean yes it was nice seeing at least ONE familiar face, but it wasn’t a surprise for me. In fact, the moment you saw her, it immediately confirmed Mutt was Indy’s son. I think it would have been better to have Mutt NOT be his son. I don’t think anything about that revelation changed the dynamic of the relationship. Sure, Indy went from “do your own thing” to “your ass is going back to school” but that’s it. It serviced a joke and nothing more.
The chase through the jungle could have been one of the film’s biggest highlights but, for me, punctuates the biggest problem with the film: reliance on CGI. The beauty of the first three films were tangible locations. Everything from the temples under Pankot Palace, the cradle of the Ark, and to be more specific, the temple of Al-Khazneh in Petra. These sets and locations felt tangible. The jungle scene was nothing more than people fighting on a green screen. That worked in many ways for Star Wars but not at all here. I would mention Mutt’s vine swinging adventure with the monkeys, but as I said, I’m trying to remain positive here. Everyone else? Have at it!
At the end of this adventure, Indy and his crew find a chamber under the city of Akator that contains 13 crystal skeletons, albeit with one missing its skull. Irina Spalko returns the skull to its body, which resurrects the aliens and in turn makes Irina an offer of her desired reward. Like every villain before her, she wants power of a certain kind. In this case, infinite knowledge. The request is granted and the knowledge kills her. Much like the desire for power killed prior villains. So, the villain’s goals track.
As much as I argued in favor of the aliens being a proper choice for this film, I do have my own issues with the way it was portrayed. In the previous movies, the true power of the artifacts were discussed and, in some ways, we were able to see what they were capable of. The most blatant being the Holy Grail. The crystal skull is clearly not an artifact. It could have been but we learn it was an actual skull of an alien. A skull that when returned to its body reanimates the alien in question. Something about it feels like a step too far here. I know I argued against a more grounded nature of the franchise earlier, but I guess here it’s something that I feel would have been better left vague than definitive. And this is a hard argument for me to make considering I believe in extraterrestrial life more than biblical tales of morality.
Before I forget, I wanted to acknowledge John Williams for phoning it in for the first time in the franchise. NONE of the compositions in this film felt original or unique. Most of them feel recycled even beyond the typical Raiders March. And those that are new have no character or dimension. It feels like the passion was gone for most of those involved. This felt like proof.
The end of the film sees Indy and Marion finally tying the knot, which was a welcome sight. Even though I think they could have just had them married in the beginning and let that be part of the 20 years we missed. But then we wouldn’t have that classic “you’re the father” reveal that worked so well.
And thank god, they didn’t let Mutt put on Indy’s hat. They put their foot down at that moment saying, “There is only one Indiana Jones.” And I have quite a bit more to say about this, however, I am saving it until the next entry because I want to see how it plays out first before committing to this stance. All in all, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is, in my opinion, the weakest entry in the franchise thus far. Is it unwatchable? Not at all. There’s just something about it that doesn’t feel as memorable as the first three. As I said before, no passion. Perhaps we’ll feel that again next time.
Pencil & Paper Productions 