Stephen White

BACK TO THE FUTURE part III

I feel like I’ve missed things I wanted to talk about in the previous entries. Mainly because I was so focused on certain bits that I forgot about others. SO, hopefully, I can hit on some of those points here and still keep it simple. I understand the irony in that since my entries have been… extensive. But hey, this is my blog! I can write whatever I want!

I was exposed to Back to the Future part II and III extensively throughout my younger days. One cable network like TBS, USA, or SYFY would frequently run a double feature of both films during holiday weekends or something to that. And it felt like they did it ALL the time. Like the equivalent of how often TNT ran the Beastmater back in the 90s. If that one goes over your head, it’s understandable.

I mentioned last time how elements of part II influenced me as a youth in some ways. This film, however, was largely dismissed by me at that time since it didn’t wow me with the fantasy/science fiction of it all. But as time passes and I mature, I find myself enjoying this entry more and more. And I think because it feels like a refreshing idea. The irony of that statement is the conceit that history repeats itself as this film, the entire trilogy, really likes to imply.

The reason I believe it feels refreshing is because most time-travel tales seem to avoid the old West. Granted, there have been a few but they are very few and far between. Plus, this allows the film to go back to basics and tell a story about someone misplaced in time trying to get home. Sure, it was fun to see a potential future where… I don’t know… maybe Al Gore won the election in 2000. Would that have been our future in 15 years? Doubtful but fun to consider.

The old West was a setting I wasn’t too keen on as a kid. My father would watch old John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies when I was a kid. And like most kids my age, if the movie was old, in black & white or didn’t feature a kid or some silly shit I could connect with, then I wasn’t interested. Eventually, my perspective changed and I think that’s clear what happened here.

One of the first Westerns I truly loved after the first watch.

And I respect Bob Zemeckis and Bob Gale for taking a chance, considering the Western genre was effectively dead in Hollywood. Granted, there were a number of them in the 80s, but very few of them were box-office gold. So getting a green-light on a straight Western could have been difficult. Here, they created the opportunity to make a Western in the traditional sense but with a modern sensibility.

The Western influence isn’t just surface level either. While Marty does utilize the moniker Clint Eastwood in the past, the location of the film set and even the Hill Valley clock itself were used in the 1985 film Pale Rider, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. A film that was ironically dethroned from the box-office by the original Back to the Future. Another interesting connection to that film is Jeffrey Weissman, who replaced Crispin Glover as George McFly, was also in Pale Rider.

Lil Jeffrey Weissman, long before he was villainized for replacing Crispin Glover.

I also love that Clint Eastwood was a good sport about all of this. It was said he was tickled by the use of his name in the film. And the fact it was mocked for not being a tough guy name is a pretty funny joke. Fun fact for those who might not be aware, but during the scene at the drive-in when Marty comments that Clint Eastwood never wore clothes like that, Doc responds with, “Clint who?” To the left of Marty are posters for Tarantula and Revenge of the Creature, two of his first films, both of which he was uncredited. On the drive-in marquee, you can see the top-billed title as Francis in the Navy, Eastwood’s first credited role.

The cast variation in this film is another aspect that makes me appreciate this film more as well. As mentioned, part II feels like a light retread of the original film. Same cast, similar beats. Nothing to help make it stand apart outside of settings. In part III, there are the main four cast members that carry over. Mostly everyone else is a fresh face. The additions of Dub Taylor, Pat Buttram, and Harry Carey Jr. were pure perfection as they encapsulate those Western archetypes so perfectly. Dub Taylor was one of those faces I felt like I saw all the time in the 80s. Does anyone remember Soggy Bottom U.S.A.? (Don’t you do that, Sooner!) Also, Pat Buttram is one of those voices I enjoy doing.

I truly love Mary Steenburgen as Clara Clayton. While the film series up to this point never dwells on Doc’s lack of a love life, when he meets her, it’s love at first sight in all the best ways. Doc had never given much thought to it and now it suddenly overwhelms him to the point he can’t think rationally. It’s the perfect conflict for the character and perfectly allows Doc to be the focal point of the story for once. Another fun fact I learned very recently was that the character of Clara Clayton is, in part, based on Mark Twain’s own daughter Clara who almost perished in a similar fashion.

Doc broke his own rules for a piece of tail…

While I am aware that Tom Wilson has spent decades trying to shed the “Biff” image, I would hope he found some joy in getting to portray three different members of the Tannen family. Granted, there are similarities in each role, but I feel like he adds a little something to each that allows them to stand apart. Biff is a proto-typical dumb jock bully. Griff seemed like a bully on crank or speed. While Mad Dog is just a straight-up murderer. I never understood why they removed the scene of Mad Dog killing Marshall Strickland. The film doesn’t stumble for it, but it’s odd when his deputy is seen doing the arrests at the end. And for what exactly? I think they were gonna rob a train or they did… I don’t remember. It just plays out oddly.

A casting choice that didn’t pan out which would have been a fun addition was that of former President Ronald Reagan. Apparently, he was offered the role of the mayor of 1885 Hill Valley. Obviously, he turned it down but couldn’t find any reason as to why. He could have actually acted in a good movie for once. I kid… or do I?

I mentioned Alan Silvestri’s score in the last film being a retread of the original film’s score. And I stand by that since here he really brings some additional flavor to the score. He found a balance of using the original score while incorporating newer, more Western-themed elements into it. The intense nature of the music during the train sequence sticks with me. You hear the adventurous elements. The Western elements. The romantic elements. You can even hear how the music is paced like the sound of a train at times. Then those familiar Back to the Future notes come in to round it all out. It’s blended together so well. He’s a memorable composer for a reason. I sometimes think I should have majored in music studies.

Listen to the soundtrack here! …or somewhere else. I don’t care.

Now, I want to talk about this McFly problem in this movie that I don’t think the filmmakers really thought about. I know it’s a goddamn movie but just follow me. So, in the second film, we see Marty’s kids that both resemble him. Fine. That makes sense. In this film, we are led to believe that Seamus McFly married a woman who looks exactly like Lorraine Baines which raises some serious questions. Now, in saying this, I have to make it aware that the role of Seamus was meant for Crispin Glover, and it would have been a parallel to Marty’s parents. Fine I get that. But Lorraine is a dead ringer for Maggie… I’ve heard Bob Gale dismiss this by saying that maybe the McFly’s have a type. But this would imply they keep it in the family! At least I would read it that way. I don’t know. I would have preferred new actors.

I didn’t mention it in the last episode, but I’ve always been a bit conflicted with the addition of Marty having some personality flaw about being called a chicken. Now, I’ve read in various articles that this inclusion was to give Marty a bit more depth since he seemed somewhat flawless in the original film, although “flawless” is not the term I would use to describe him. He seemed very confident and capable, traits his father lacked, which begs the question of where Marty picked up these traits. But at no point did he ever come off like a hot head in the first film. So to rectify this in my own head, perhaps due to his meddling in the timeline, this new personality quirk arises thus changing his possible future. Had nothing changed in the first film and Doc still went to the future, maybe Doc never returns with a message about his kids. Which makes more sense anyway.

Hey, did you know that Michael J. Fox almost died in this movie? It seems he lost consciousness while being hanged. You know, something that seems very likely to happen. Oh and what the fuck is up with that kid at the end of the flick? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I posted a GIF below. I have heard that he apparently needed to pee really badly. Still though… that’s a very bizarre way of indicating such a thing.

Back to the Future II and III were the first films I remember in my lifetime to have been shot back-to-back. And while others have attempted the same, I would argue that these two films are the only ones to stick the landing, despite having flaws. I say that because they both feel more connected and the first entry almost feels like the odd one out, if that makes sense. By the time the movie ends, every plot thread that was introduced was tied up in some form. If someone were to ask me what the best movie trilogy of all-time is, I couldn’t give you a straight answer because that’s subjective. But you can’t tell me this trilogy wouldn’t be in the top 5 of that debate.

One final thing that I feel has added to that is the lack of more movies. I would love nothing more than to see one more adventure with Marty, Doc, and the DeLorean. While we have gotten the further adventures through an animated series and even a Telltale game series (which was amazing BTW), it’s not the same as the big screen. And look, I have no grand concept for a sequel that has to be done. Honestly, I’m not even sure where to go from here outside of starting from scratch. But that’s not happening anytime soon since Zemeckis and Gale own the rights to the franchise. Not sure how they negotiated that deal, but that would never happen today. So in a time where every franchise under the sun has been remade, rebooted, or requeled, it’s nice to have one franchise that has remained intact for 40 years. Because the moment they are gone, the reboot will begin. Mark my words.

BACK TO THE FUTURE part II

As mentioned in the blog about Back to the Future, some of us in the world had to wait four years before getting the promised sequel. As a five-year-old, I had no idea what it would even be about or why it would take another four years. Sure, we knew we were going to the future but why? Turns out there were a lot of questions and concerns that caused some issues for this highly anticipated sequel.

At this point in time, Hollywood was run by people who actually took chances. They were run on the basis of a good idea rather than a known brand. Universal had made some moderate hits during the 70s but were still struggling financially. Luckily a little film called Jaws came along and became the biggest success the studio had ever had to date. That success helped the studio coast into the 80s bringing in more hits like E.T. and The Breakfast Club but also some surprising bombs like John Carpenter’s The Thing and David Lynch’s Dune. So, when a sure thing came along, the studio decided to give it a bit more attention. Jaws sequels were fairly successful. What else could be sequelized?

Never noticed it said “directed by Max Spielberg.”

Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale had a wealth of opportunities before them, so they were not thinking about a sequel to Back to the Future. In fact, the ending of the first movie was meant to be a final joke, not a setup to a sequel. But Universal was eager to take Marty and Doc on more adventures and decided to push forward with a sequel, with or without its creators. Upon hearing this Zemeckis and Gale decided to stay involved with the production and even promised Universal two movies. Universal excitedly agreed and pre-production began on Back to the Future part II AND III. We’ll come back to the latter.

It seems the entire cast from the original film was committed to making the sequel long before any scripts were written. All except one actor: Crispin Glover. Various reports seem to indicate that Glover has taken umbridge with the original film’s ending, a point I bookmarked in the last episode. As I said, the messaging at the end of the original film was on brand for the 80s: money equals happiness. Now I know it might not be that cut and dry since you could easily argue that on the surface they seem more successful, but at the end of the day, they still live in the same house and the two oldest kids are still living at home, despite having better jobs. Those are just two simple observations.

During contract negotiations, Glover’s agent asked for fair compensation compared to other actors and script approval. It seems that Glover felt he was being low-balled compared to the other actors saying his offer of $125,000 was half of what Lea Thompson and Tom Wilson were being paid. So in a twist of irony, he demanded $1,000,000. Since the producers were not going to cave to those demands, work began to lessen George McFly’s presence in the film which ultimately led to the character being recast. However, even though the role was recast, unused footage from the previous film was used that featured Crispin Glover, and the stand-in actor, Jeffrey Weissman, was dressed in prosthetics to make him resemble Crispin Glover.

Now, who made these calls? According to writer Bob Gale, these were studio decisions that were out of his control. Yet, Crispin Glover insists that all of this was a personal attack perpetrated by Bob Gale. What’s true? I haven’t a clue. Crispin Glover kind of comes off arrogant at times, as if he’s a true artist and he’s misunderstood or whatever. But on the same token, you have a story from the stand-in Jeffrey Weissman who claims that the bit where George was hanging upside down was not a tactic to hide the fact it was a different actor, but in fact a planned punishment for Glover, due to his behavior in the first flick. I’m not sure what behavior they speak of, outside of one or two minor eccentricities that I’ve read about.

In any case, this all led to a lawsuit that was settled out of court for $765,000 by Universal. Furthermore, it prompted the Screen Actors Guild to create new rules regarding the use of an actor’s likeness. It’s really disappointing that this occurred at all, since having Crispin Glover in the film would have significantly changed the narrative. He was killed off in the script because of this nonsense. So, what would that story have been? I did read about some of the ideas that were pitched. One involved a trip to the 60s where Marty would have encountered his parents as hippies. Could have been interesting but then another encounter would have caused more issues when we all think too much about these films.

Crispin Glover has been pretty open about all of this. Take a listen!

I also feel bad for Jeffrey Weissman since, as he tells it, everyone on the set treated him like an outsider. Lea Thompson even referred to him as “The Imposter.” The man was hired for a job just like the rest of the cast. He didn’t steal this role from anyone, so to be treated in this way is ridiculous. So much so that he assisted Crispin Glover in his lawsuit. I don’t know. The guy could be a creep.

So with all of that out of the way, let’s really get into the flick. My excitement for this flick was through the roof, especially after seeing a trailer. The future they presented was a far cry from all the dystopian futures we had been given so many times before. Flying cars, electronic clothing, hologram advertisements, Max Headroom-themed AI bots running the service industry… it’s everything we could have hoped for and more. Unfortunately, our future got fucked along the way, and we haven’t quite gotten to all of these things yet. But I maintain hope in the face of oligarchy. Moving on.

The biggest selling point for a kid my age was the hoverboard. Holy cow! What an invention! I wanted one SO badly and was somehow convinced that they existed at one time in the past but had been pulled from store shelves due to safety concerns. At one point, I thought I made that up in my head because I could find nothing to support this. Fortunately I came across a behind-the-scenes special that featured Bob Zemeckis saying, “they’ve been around for years, it’s just that parent groups haven’t let toy manufacturers make them. But we got our hands on some and put them in the movie.” I was a kid. I didn’t know adults lied so much. In any case, I was obsessed. So much so that the hoverboard became my choice of transportation for the main character of my first comic series. Of course, that comic was littered with references to other things I was into at the time, so it was inevitable.

Like with many things I love growing up, I eventually begin hearing negative comments regarding said thing I love, and that I assumed everyone else loved too. But people had opinions and upon hearing them, it was hard to argue. One issue this film had going in was how to deal with Jennifer. Bob Zemeckis stated that had he known they would go on to do a sequel, they would have not included Jennifer going with them at the end of the first film. And that’s all well and good, but that still doesn’t change the fact that Doc took Marty to the future to change a future event. Like… it doesn’t make sense. It’s like finding out you’re going to be hit by a car in a month, so you travel to the future to push yourself out of the way versus taking that knowledge and not being present in the spot in which you were going to be hit. You’ve taken extra steps for no reason.

Plus, when Doc puts Jennifer to sleep, he claims it’s because she is asking too many questions about the future and no one should know that much about their futures. Even though Marty learns quite a bit about his future while there. It’s a bit of a head scratcher when you really start to think about it and, luckily, I can just let it be while watching. Because going to the future was just a gateway to exploring the future and creating our plot centered around an almanac.

And that’s the part I really dig out of this movie. Where the first film ponders what it would be like to meet your parents as teenagers, this film posits the dangers of time travel, while complicating it in the process. In the first movie, the DeLorean was just a device to help the plot along. Had they not made the time machine so damn cool, I guarantee this film would not have been a franchise. It’s all that damn DeLorean’s fault. We’re not just doing the first movie again, even though they repeat several beats from the first film. I feel as though I’m praising and criticizing at the same time. It’s exhausting sometimes.

As I mentioned in the previous episode, I felt as though the time travel mechanics followed a loose interpretation of the Novikov Self-Consistency Principle, meaning that everything happened as it should and no paradoxes exist. That would then make sense why there are no paradoxes, despite all of us seeing them. However, in this film, we seem to be leaning on the multiverse theory. And you better thank your lucky fucking stars that Zemeckis and Gale own the rights to this franchise because with EVERYONE trying to do multiverse stories right now, Universal would have jumped into the frey with Back to the Multiverse of whatever. The two Martys could have really met!!

Back in 1989, I had never considered the idea of a multiverse in the scope of how we would view it today. Like, I understood that if you change the past, you change the future. But for whatever reason, I never viewed this concept as multiversal. Now, I see it as clearly as the sky outside. And upon my first viewing, I never expected Doc and Marty to wind up in an alternate version of their timeline.

So, I was very intrigued by this concept. However, as I have aged, I see some inconsistencies with the way it is presented. Like how was Biff able to return to the current 2015 after having changed the past. He should have wound up in an alternate timeline, just like Doc and Marty. Meaning that the DeLorean would have been lost to them in time… and that would have stopped the movie OR given them a harder path to traverse, but ultimately it would have been better for it. I don’t know that for a fact. Just wishful thinking.

Funny enough, Carl Sagan, who some may know as one of the world’s greatest and probably best-known astrophysicists and others as the pseudonym Doc uses in the past, considered this film to be the greatest time-travel movie ever made, due to its accuracy in handling multiple timelines. I guess Carl Sagan had a time machine of his own.

Another element I enjoy is getting to revisit the first film from a different perspective. While some movies like Avengers: Endgame play with the idea, I feel like here it’s much more in-depth. We see new scenes and interactions with characters we already knew. We see the complications of new Marty being seen by Biff’s gang and then going after original Marty while he’s on stage, leading new Marty to save original Marty before a universe-ending paradox occurs. I find it to be a lot of fun.

While on the subject of different perspectives, in this film we see Doc wearing a brown coat and hat while interacting with his younger self when he’s working on the “weather experiment.” It is said that if you go back to the scene in the original movie, a man with a brown coat and hat can be seen in the background. This is all one big coincidence, BUT one could argue that we saw Doc Brown from 1985 there in the original movie, meaning that the time travel rules go back to Novikov’s Self-Consistency Principle which contradicts everything in the movie.

He stared directly into the camera… for shame.

Hey look, it’s little Elijah Wood in his first film role! Claudia Wells is replaced by the wonderful Elizabeth Shue. It’s a minor bit of recasting that I was ok with. Granted, the reasoning behind it was not good as Well’s mother had been diagnosed with cancer. But Elizabeth Shue feels like she has more comedic range which works better for the character in this film. Alan Silvestri is back with the score, although I don’t feel like he does much different here from the original, which feels intentional in some aspects. Did you know that tunnel that Biff drove through when Marty was trying to steal the almanac back was the same tunnel that led to ToonTown in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?… Now you do.

I say that because an early draft of this film combined a number of the ideas of both part II and III. Eventually, they were separated to give the studio two sequels as opposed to one. In separating the ideas, the plan was to film both movies back to back over the course of 11 months. Zemeckis apparently became frustrated with Universal’s marketing department for this film since they did not express to movie-goers that this would be one of two movies. Audiences were apparently pissed when “To Be Concluded…” appeared across the screen before showing a trailer for the next film. This led to a significant drop-off in the film’s second week. Was all of the good will towards the original film now soured by this lack of proper marketing?

BACK TO THE FUTURE

It has been well over a year since I’ve contributed to Podcasters Assemble. I’ve dropped by for a few Disassembled episodes but not a proper assembly. Last season was focused on the films of Hayao Miyazaki. And while I have love and admiration for Miyazaki-sama and his library of films, I didn’t feel like I had a deep enough connection to those films to speak about them at length. But Back to the Future is a different story.

This is one of those films that feels like it has always been present in my life, even though it came out when I was five. I remember that Michael J. Fox was, at that point in time, a big deal. He was probably one of the first actors whose name and face I knew. One of the reasons I am acutely aware of that fact is because I used to have a cassette tape with my brother and I recording ourselves performing a news program. In that tape, my brother name-checked Michael J. Fox during one of his stories. I still wish I had that tape and could have digitized it. My voice was a far cry from what it is today.

Anyway, Michael J. Fox, or Mike Fox for the cool kids, was on a hit TV sitcom called Family Ties and became the breakout star of the show. That same year, another film called Teen Wolf came out and it just felt like he was all over the place.There’s a real fun story behind all of that too.

During his time on Family Ties, Fox accepted the role in Teen Wolf because there was a filming delay due to another cast member’s pregnancy. During filming, he apparently became so frustrated with the film and lamented something along the lines of, “Spielberg’s down the road making great movies, and I’m here playing a werewolf.” Both films were shot on the same lot. Back to the Future was the film in production with another lead, Eric Stoltz.

It has been stated in multiple interviews that Michael J. Fox was the first choice for Marty McFly. Unfortunately, Fox’s schedule wouldn’t allow it. And unfortunately for Bob Zemeckis, Bob Gale, and Steven Spielberg, Eric Stoltz wasn’t working out. He had been cast based on the strength of his performance in the film Mask, which is an underrated and oft-forgotten film starring Cher and everyone needs to go find it and watch it (if you can). Anyway, according to multiple sources, Stoltz was not playing the character comically but seriously. Like method-actor serious. He almost broke Tom Wilson’s collarbone during the cafeteria fight. Hell, he persistently insisted on being called Marty so much that Christopher Lloyd didn’t even know his name was Eric until he was fired.

After four weeks of shooting, Zemeckis, Gale, and Spielberg decided to let Stoltz go. Fun fact though is that he is still technically in the final cut of the film. It seems in the wide shot of Marty being chased down by the Libyan nationalists, Marty was, in fact, Eric Stoltz. The filmmakers saw no point in refilming the sequence since you couldn’t see his face clearly anyway. But damn if I’m not going to look a little harder next time!

The question remained, “who would replace him?” They once again tried to work something out with Fox and the producers over at Family Ties, ultimately coming to an agreement that would have him filming his TV show during the day, and filming the movie at night with day shots taking place on the weekend. This agreement is something Fox was hyper-focused on doing, surviving off of five hours sleep a day for several weeks. And while I commend him for this drive and passion, I began wondering if THIS isn’t what triggered the onset of Parkinson’s. This is complete speculation on my part. Just a theory I have based on some of the facts from his documentary which you all should watch. Moving on.

What a star Michael J. Fox is in this film. You can instantly see why he was cast in the role. In fact, the super cool sounding production company Atlantic Releasing Corporation held back the release of Teen Wolf, just to capitalize on Fox’s rising fame once the buzz about Back to the Future was floating around tinseltown. And they were smart to do so as the film became a surprise hit. Michael J. Fox has started his disdain for the film, which is unfortunate. I think it’s pretty funny. We should do a Disassembled about that flick. Maybe work in Teen Wolf Too if we just want to torture everyone. Goddamn that flick. Moving on!

It’s funny to think that Emmett Brown could be considered Christopher Lloyd’s breakout role as well. Follow me here: he had been working ten years in the business before landing this role, showing up in classics like Mr. Mom, Clue, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, and even One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, another classic that needs to be added to the list. Yet with the exception of Reverend Jim Ignatowski from Taxi, I don’t think anyone would point to any of those roles as THE role they remember him from. But as the years pass, more and more will forget the good reverend, but Doc Brown will persist. It feels like a role he thoroughly enjoys playing, since he’s done so in other media outside of these flicks.

I guess thinking about it now, this film was a breakout for many of its stars. Lea Thompson had been seen in a few big movies like Red Dawn, All the Right Moves and Jaws 3 before this, but none of them more memorable than Lorraine Baines! Do any of you remember Kelly Ann Bukowski? If you said “yes,” that’s bullshit and you know it! Props to her for becoming a proficient director on TV. Moving on!

Tom Wilson had the unfortunate fate of being typecast because he was so freaking amazing as Biff. Like I can’t even begin to think of anyone else who could play this character to perfection like Tom Wilson does. It has been said he drew from his own experiences with bullies, and as someone who has encountered his fair share, he nails it. Makes me feel sorry for the guy.

Crispin Glover… What can I say about this cat? He’s one of those actors that I love to see pop up in movies. He always brings some weird energy to whatever character he’s playing. A one-note character like Jimmy in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter should be barely memorable. But because Crispin Glover played him, he’s one of the few you remember because of his acting choices. Same with this film. It doesn’t work if George has any form of a backbone until the pivotal scene. And Crispin plays him so meekly that you can easily believe how this kid grew up to be a massive pushover. He’s one of the cogs in the machine that makes this movie work so well. I have more to say about him, but we’re gonna put a pin in that and come back to it in the next episode.

Let’s talk about that score. Alan Silvestri, who has been composing music for films for over 50 years, gives us what I would consider to be one of his most memorable and recognizable pieces of music of his career. Granted there are so many others: Predator, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Forrest Gump, The Avengers. And those are just the biggest ones. Plenty of other amazing scores like Flight of the Navigator and Super Mario Bros. The score elevates the film in all the best ways.

As I said earlier, this film has always been in my life. While I can think of nothing specific that resonated with me on some personal level, I have always come back to it at some point to watch and appreciate. It feels so expertly paced and well-crafted that even though I’ve watched the movie many, many times and I know how it will end, I still get anxious during the thunderstorm scene. The only other movie that does that to me is Jaws. When a film can still elicit those feelings after multiple viewings, it’s doing something right.

And I say that as someone who has given thought to some of the “perceived” plot holes in the movie. Like how George and Lorraine would have forgotten meeting Marty all those years ago. I get how that would seem odd. But try to perceive 30 years ago (if you’re not a fetus at this point in time) and tell me what details you remember. He was in their lives for a week at most, and they would have no pictures to refer to and be like, “Hey wait a minute!” Funny enough, that was one of the original endings. George would have unearthed an old newspaper that would have had Marty singing at the prom. But I guess smarter people realized that a prom wouldn’t exactly be newspaper worthy… unless it was a small town. Hill Valley didn’t come off as a small town to me.

I guess we should talk about the perception of “incest” in the movie. I feel as though it gets a pass for me because I don’t see it as condoning or promoting it. Lorraine has no idea who Marty is. When she meets him, he’s the most interesting person she’s ever met. He’s everything she isn’t and she becomes enamored with him. It makes sense. Meanwhile, Marty is fully aware of who Lorraine is and wants no part of her crush, thank Christ. Although I will say, Marty didn’t push Lorraine off of him as abruptly as he should have… or like at all for that matter. She was on him for at least 4-5 seconds. The moment her lips hit his, he should have jumped the fuck out of the car and peaced out. Luckily, she was hit with the realization that something was off and, in that moment, lost her desires for Marty aka Calvin.

Now, I will say the scene where Lorraine ponders the name “Marty” is a bit ridiculous. Especially considering her first son’s name is Dave… not Marty. So, the name didn’t even really resonate that hard. It was just something she eventually came back around to. Furthermore, why in the fuck would Marty not assume the moniker of Calvin as opposed to his real name since he isn’t supposed to exist in the past?? At no point in the film would that have been problematic for any reason. It’s MORE problematic that he’s using his real name! But what does it matter anyway? Marty still fucked with time.

The concept of time travel has always fascinated me. However, there are elements to some theories I love more than others. In this film, we seemingly follow the rules of the Novikov Self-consistency Principle. I say seemingly because that principle implies that Marty’s journey was predetermined and therefore all paradoxes would be moot. Were there no sequels to this film, this would be an easy argument. However, the sequels add complications so, for the sake of the idea, we’ll stay focused on this film. One concept I enjoy in time travel stories are the little changes made due to the displaced character’s interactions. I felt most of it here was on the surface at the end showing his parents being successful and Biff being… well not Biff. I wanted to discover other little changes like how the Twin Pine Mall became Lone Pine Mall. It wasn’t in your face and was a detail I didn’t discover until later viewings. I love stuff like that.

No idea why it took me 20 years to notice this change…

While the concept itself sounds more sci-fi than it is, the film itself is a wonderful exploration into the idea of meeting your parents before you were ever conceived, let alone considered. It’s a fascinating idea that could be explored in other films and maybe to greater effect. While I do love this film, I can acknowledge that the messaging towards the end falls apart, even though it’s on brand for that time in the 80s. We’ll get into that for the next film. For years, I wondered what the future would look like, according to this film. All because home video releases of the film added “To Be Continued…” even though a sequel was years away. But what we got was something unlike anything we’d ever seen before.

INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY

Well, we’ve made it to the end of our journey and, in spaces like Twitter and Rotten Tomatoes, the consensus seems like a mixed bag. I do want to preface this piece by saying that I wish I would have had the opportunity to watch this film again before giving my overall thoughts. Lately, movies that I went to the theater to see would leave me with a reaction of “meh.” But upon a second viewing at home, I would find that I enjoyed it much more. While some of that can easily be the fault of the movie, I’ve also had a beef with the theaters I have to attend. But that’s a tale for another day. In any case, I feel that one viewing is hardly enough to give a solid opinion. So, consider these my initial thoughts.

Kicking the movie off in Germany circa 1944 was kind of neat. I say “kinda” because while it was a return to something familiar, this is fan service at the highest level. It’s like saying, “You memba this?” Yeah, I do. I’ve seen the previous films. This whole sequence could have nothing more than a lost adventure that, in the wrong hands, could have had zero to do with the plot. Luckily, Mangold ensured it was integral to the plot.

Let’s talk about James Mangold for a second. The man has at least 15 films under his belt, and while I haven’t seen every single one of them, the ones I have seen are pretty solid flicks. Cop Land, Girl, Interrupted, Walk the Line, 3:10 to Yuma, Ford vs. Ferrari: all solid. Hell, even Kate & Leopold has a wonderful charm about it and is the first pairing of Mangold and Hugh Jackman. That led to the duo teaming up for the Wolverine and then Logan, with the latter no doubt being the reason Disney approached him for the Dial of Destiny.

Initially, it has been reported that Mangold said “no” when offered the project. It seems the script they handed him needed quite a bit of work, yet they wanted him to start filming immediately. I guess for one brief moment, a studio executive thought that taking time to do it right would be the smart move. If only they could think like that more often… but they won’t.

In this opening sequence, I expected there to be a bit of dodgy effects work when it came to de-aging Harrison Ford. Rarely has it looked flawless in a film. Although, I can’t remember a flawed image of Samuel L. Jackson’s face in Captain Marvel… or even Secret Invasion. But he’s not eighty years old and from what I’ve been told, “black don’t crack.” I wasn’t even all that bothered by his voice, even though you KNOW they could have easily de-aged that no problem. But there’s the occasional glimpse of something off that can take you out of the movie at times, and it’s a distraction I could do without. In any case, I suppose they did their best. But in my humble opinion, if you can’t nail it, don’t do it.

Speaking of Harrison Ford, you have to applaud the man’s commitment to this character. Of all the characters he’s portrayed over film and television, this is the one he loves the most. While “old man” Indy could have felt untrue to the character, Ford finds a way to ease back into the role and play him at a ripe old age, while adding some deep pathos to the character that the previous film missed the mark on. But we’ll get to that.

Toby Jones is always a welcome sight in films, here playing Basil Shaw, an old colleague of Dr. Jones. He plays the character to a tee with his quest for the Antikythera seeming innocent at first until it spirals out of control which creates an interesting dichotomy for the story. Mads Mikkelsen is another fantastic actor who does a great job in this film as Jürgen Voller, a character loosely based on Wernher von Braun, a former Nazi who DID work for NASA and resided in Alabama. Thank goodness that guy wasn’t plotting anything as nefarious as Voller.

When we reach the present (but the past to us), Old Man Henry is teaching at what looks to be a different college. I wondered about this transition and relayed it back to the previous film where he had been fired because of all that “communist sympathizer” crap he got saddled with because of the Agent Janitor. We never SAW him be cleared of anything, nor did we see him be reinstated. Therefore, we can only assume he could only find work as a teacher in a lesser public university like Hunter College. I find it adds some intriguing layers to the missing time between films.

Eventually, Indy is approached by Helena, played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the daughter of Basil Shaw, who is looking for the Antikythera. I’ve always heard massive praise thrown upon Phoebe Waller-Bridge for her show Fleabag, amongst other performances. However, I think this is the first film I’ve actually SEEN her in. I’ve seen movies she’s provided voices for but not acted in. So, seeing how this could be my first introduction to her as a physical actress, I think she’s pretty good. I feel like the role of Helena was written with her in mind, because she feels right for it.

It became apparent after the scene with Indy and Helena discussing her desire to find the Antikythera, that the story was reflecting parallels. The line Indy says about chasing her father’s obsession rang very true about Indy. The same with Helena’s treasure hunting goals of fortune and glory, not having reached Indy’s point of understanding the true value of these artifacts.

When the… I guess, Neo-Nazis… come looking for the Antikythera, this leads to one of MANY chase scenes in this film. While thrilling, the face swap effects were, at times, a bit wonky. And this didn’t make sense to me. Why go out of your way to shoot a scene where you HAVE to add a face swap effect versus blocking the scene differently and maybe editing around it? I know we have the technology to do it now, but that doesn’t mean you have to. So many action films of the past, you know like the first three entries of this series, found ways around showing the face of the stunt double and did it with great effect.

I loved seeing Sallah again, even if it was nothing more than a cameo. John Rhys-Davies is always a delight, and the few scenes we got of him added some interesting layers to his backstory as well which was nice.

When Indy gets to Tangier to confront Helena, he also encounters Voller whom he thought to be dead after what seemed to be a very definitive death. HOWEVER, two VFX supervisors for the film came forward to explain how in the actual hell Voller took a pole to the face, knocking him off a train and surviving. Well, it seems the object in question that Voller was smacked with was a lightweight water hose used for steam engines, therefore the impact would have enough to knock him off but do no damage… even though he fell off a moving train which could… I don’t know…break your legs or many other bones in your body… just saying. In any case, it’s meant to be a bit of a surprise.

It’s also in this scene we are introduced to Teddy, which is Helena’s Short Round, another character parallel. While the actor who played Teddy, Ethann Isidore, did a fine job, I didn’t feel like his character’s presence was absolutely necessary. While a few script tweaks, he could have been completely written out, and it wouldn’t have hurt the film at all. But again: parallels.

During the next fetch quest for the tablet that will lead them to the other piece of the dial, Indy meets up with his old friend Renaldo, played by Antonio Banderas. Here was a new character I would have loved to see more of just because of Banderas. His appearance is a glorified cameo that’s welcome but disappointing at the same time. Maybe he’s not that fascinating but come on… it’s Antonio Banderas.

This sequence also gives us what I would call one of the most emotionally gut-wrenching scenes in any of the Indiana Jones films. Early on, we learn that Indy and Marion are estranged but not given much context. When Indy is on the run, a newscast mentions his “late” son which I thought would be the end of mentioning the character of Mutt. Instead, they go a step further and explore the relationship Indy and Mutt had as father and son that led Mutt to serve in Vietnam, which led to his untimely death. That then leads to an emotional divide between Indy and Marion, and Indy wants nothing more than to fix that, believing the Antikythera might be the answer. It’s the most broken we’ve ever seen this man before.

Eels. Why did it have to be eels? I never thought about what this film’s creepy crawly would be. Eels were a fun choice. It’s practically an ocean snake. The tomb of Archimedes felt like classic Indy.

The third act of the film is where I’m struggling the most with the film. As I said in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, SHOWING the aliens, oh excuse me interdimensional beings, felt like a step too far. With the religious artifacts and even the Sankara stones, there was this level of ambiguity where you kind of understood the power behind it, but couldn’t quite explain it. With interdimensional beings, there was zero ambiguity. Here, I was thinking maybe something would have occurred that would have maybe sent someone back in time, but we never actually SEE it happen. That, in turn, would have explained the whirlybirds on the coffin, and the watch on the body.

Perhaps certain stories in extended Indy media have gone this extra step beyond being ambiguous, and therefore it doesn’t feel like a stretch for some. I know he fought Dracula or some shit in the Young Indy Chronicles. For me and my enjoyment, that’s always been the fun hook. Not quite knowing and always searching for the truth. That being said, I can see how Indy actually traveling back in time and meeting Archimedes could be like a full circle moment for the character himself. Over time, I may warm up to this idea.

Unlike Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I was genuinely surprised to see Marion at the end. I was hoping we would but didn’t expect to, which was nice. And I absolutely adored their interaction playing on the classic scene from Raiders. That felt like an appropriate capper for them mending fences.

John Williams returned to score Indy one final time, with these compositions feeling much more refreshed than last time. I was concerned early on in the film after hearing a reprise of “On the Tank” from the Last Crusade during the bike chase to the train. Luckily, it was just a nice callback. That being said, none of the compositions stood out to me as being something iconic. Something that will be remembered years down the line. The original three films have several of those compositions. Crystal Skull had zero. The closest this one has is maybe Helena’s theme but if you played me several tracks from the film blind, I don’t know if I would be able to identify it. In any case, it was nice to have him back for one more ride.

The first review I read for the Dial of Destiny gave the film a 4 out of 10. It concerned me going in, but I choose not to take reviews as gospel. They’re someone else’s opinion. Many of our contributors and listeners may love it or absolutely loathe it. And their opinions are equally valid. For me, James Mangold pulled off something that, in different hands, could have been much worse. While it’s not on the same level any entry in the original trilogy, I feel it’s a much more fitting epilogue for Indiana Jones than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I hope that I will warm up to it even further when it I watch it again in the comfort of my own home.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

Where to begin with this film? I’m not sure because it’s such an oddity to me. There are things I love and things I do not. While I’m sure I will touch on the things I do not like, I intend to remain positive because the rest of the internet has bashed the film mercilessly. It’s dependable that way. But even as I say that, I feel myself wincing at the promise I just made. So, I’ll try to do my best OK? Let’s do this.

After almost 20 years, the announcement came that we were getting a new Indiana Jones and I couldn’t believe it. It seemed unfathomable to me at that time because IT HAD BEEN 20 YEARS! But then the trailer dropped to confirm it all and I was eager to jump back into the adventures of Indiana Jones.

I saw this movie the weekend it opened. It wasn’t a large crowd in the theater because I went to the earliest showing the Friday it premiered. While I would like to say it was due to my eagerness as a fan, that’s not 100% of it. This film, along with the birth of the MCU, came out the very year my first marriage was falling apart. One might think it could represent a year of bad memories, but I view it as a year of change. But that’s a topic for another conversation. When I left the theater, I can say I was neither pleased nor disappointed. Just kind of indifferent. There were bits I enjoyed, and others that made me wonder what the thought process was behind that decision.

So the film kicks off in 1957 which is an accurate representation of time since we last saw Indy. The Soviets are now the threat of the time which makes sense. We are introduced to their high ranking leader Irina Spalko played by Cate Blanchett who does a marvelous job here. Say what you want about this movie, but she plays a formidable villain and holds her own against Harrison Ford. Too bad it couldn’t have been in a better movie.

Harrison Ford hops back into the role of Indy with ease. Nothing about his performance feels out of place. In fact, I loved the few jokes that poked fun at his age. The man isn’t a spry chicken anymore. Of course he’s not going to be able to do the things he used to. The failed whip swing to the truck is absolutely on point and one of the best moments in the film. I’m also glad they didn’t go overboard with the jokes. He’s older. You’ve acknowledged it. Let’s move on.

We also get introduced to George McHale, aka Mac played by Ray Winstone. While I like Winstone as an actor, I absolutely loathe his character here because Mac is the character archetype that has been done to death. The friend turned betrayer all to get some money who then tries to explain himself later on when it’s convenient like it matters at that point. I had him pegged from the start because they’re all the same, and the series had never had that type of character which I appreciated the hell out of. Every friend that was introduced was trustworthy… until this guy.

While I’ve heard arguments regarding the use of aliens in this film, I get what George Lucas was aiming for. At this point in American history, there were conspiracy theories surrounding alien invaders such as the famed Area 51 incident. Furthermore, you had the U.S. and the Soviets in a race to see who could get to space first, as if claiming land on the moon was going to change things. So ridiculous to think about now. Anyway, it was part of that time period, much like the Nazis were in the late 1930s. So I appreciate that element.

While it was neat to revisit the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant was stored, seeing it was not necessary to me. Just from the looks of the place, you could tell it was the same place. Hell, I think a spin-off story could be told about that place and all the secret artifacts it could contain. Also, I can’t imagine Indy is the only one who has brought items to the government that have been stored here. So, who are the other adventurers and what’s their story?

Let’s talk about “nuking the fridge” and the fuss people have made about this particular scene. First of all, if you find it unrealistic, then clearly you have a beef with the plane jump from Temple of Doom. And the face melting from angry spirits in Raiders. Oh and the rapid aging scene of Donovan plus the magic healing water from the Grail in Last Crusade. See where I’m going with this? And before you attempt any further argument, science has proven the nuked fridge to be possible so… I don’t know what to tell you at this point. This is fantasy adventure. Expand your mind on what’s probable and enjoy the ride.

The scene with Indy speaking with the FBI was another scene I quite enjoyed. It put some context around his life for the last twenty years, showing him to be a well-respected war hero. Or at least to one of them anyway. Agent Janitor wasn’t buying it.

That context was then expounded upon his return to Marshall College where we learn the fates of Marcus Brody and Henry Jones Sr. While it was disappointing not getting to see either of them return, I feel like in the context of this film, it makes sense. Obviously Denholm Elliot couldn’t return due to having passed almost 20 years ago, Connery’s presence could have undercut the weight of Indy being a man of a certain age. The script would have had to change… which could have benefitted the film greatly or ruined it more. We’ll never know.

So, I suppose we need to talk about Shia LaBeouf being in this movie. When rumors began flying about this movie possibly happening, I remember hearing that the film would feature Indy’s daughter. Those who know some of the deeper lore of Indiana Jones outside of the films speculated this could have been Sophie, who was introduced in the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. The script in question was apparently penned by Frank Darabont, best known for the Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile. However, Spielberg was not onboard with this idea and wanted it changed to be his son. Personally, I have no idea why this felt like a change worth making. Perhaps Spielberg wanted a stand-off relationship between a father and son that mirrored Indy’s own relationship with his father. However, I think it could have worked the same way with his daughter. She was already established so why not use her? No word on whether or not she still exists canonically.

Over the last ten years or so, Shia LaBeouf has had his share of problems. Prior to that, I instantly became a fan of his due to his performance in Transformers. I thought he nailed that character in that ONE movie. It’s very possible Spielberg thought the same and wanted to work with him here. The problem is that the character of Mutt Williams, which is a terrible name by the way, is not a character best suited for Shia LaBeouf. Who would have been better? Name any other actor with a background playing THIS type of character in THIS kind of movie and you have your Mutt. That’s all I’m saying. The personality LaBeouf was meant to portray doesn’t feel in any way natural to the actor. And I’m all for casting against type. But sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Here is the latter… at least for me.

Mutt tells Indy about the abduction of Harold Oxley and his mother which kicks off the new adventure. Oxley is played by the chameleon that is John Hurt. The man always brings his A-game, no matter the role and here is no different. While I would love to say it was an absolute surprise seeing Marion return, I felt it was coming from the start. I mean yes it was nice seeing at least ONE familiar face, but it wasn’t a surprise for me. In fact, the moment you saw her, it immediately confirmed Mutt was Indy’s son. I think it would have been better to have Mutt NOT be his son. I don’t think anything about that revelation changed the dynamic of the relationship. Sure, Indy went from “do your own thing” to “your ass is going back to school” but that’s it. It serviced a joke and nothing more.

The chase through the jungle could have been one of the film’s biggest highlights but, for me, punctuates the biggest problem with the film: reliance on CGI. The beauty of the first three films were tangible locations. Everything from the temples under Pankot Palace, the cradle of the Ark, and to be more specific, the temple of Al-Khazneh in Petra. These sets and locations felt tangible. The jungle scene was nothing more than people fighting on a green screen. That worked in many ways for Star Wars but not at all here. I would mention Mutt’s vine swinging adventure with the monkeys, but as I said, I’m trying to remain positive here. Everyone else? Have at it!

At the end of this adventure, Indy and his crew find a chamber under the city of Akator that contains 13 crystal skeletons, albeit with one missing its skull. Irina Spalko returns the skull to its body, which resurrects the aliens and in turn makes Irina an offer of her desired reward. Like every villain before her, she wants power of a certain kind. In this case, infinite knowledge. The request is granted and the knowledge kills her. Much like the desire for power killed prior villains. So, the villain’s goals track.

As much as I argued in favor of the aliens being a proper choice for this film, I do have my own issues with the way it was portrayed. In the previous movies, the true power of the artifacts were discussed and, in some ways, we were able to see what they were capable of. The most blatant being the Holy Grail. The crystal skull is clearly not an artifact. It could have been but we learn it was an actual skull of an alien. A skull that when returned to its body reanimates the alien in question. Something about it feels like a step too far here. I know I argued against a more grounded nature of the franchise earlier, but I guess here it’s something that I feel would have been better left vague than definitive. And this is a hard argument for me to make considering I believe in extraterrestrial life more than biblical tales of morality.

Before I forget, I wanted to acknowledge John Williams for phoning it in for the first time in the franchise. NONE of the compositions in this film felt original or unique. Most of them feel recycled even beyond the typical Raiders March. And those that are new have no character or dimension. It feels like the passion was gone for most of those involved. This felt like proof.

The end of the film sees Indy and Marion finally tying the knot, which was a welcome sight. Even though I think they could have just had them married in the beginning and let that be part of the 20 years we missed. But then we wouldn’t have that classic “you’re the father” reveal that worked so well.

And thank god, they didn’t let Mutt put on Indy’s hat. They put their foot down at that moment saying, “There is only one Indiana Jones.” And I have quite a bit more to say about this, however, I am saving it until the next entry because I want to see how it plays out first before committing to this stance. All in all, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is, in my opinion, the weakest entry in the franchise thus far. Is it unwatchable? Not at all. There’s just something about it that doesn’t feel as memorable as the first three. As I said before, no passion. Perhaps we’ll feel that again next time.

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE

The Last Crusade is probably the Indy film I am most fond of. This was the first Indiana Jones film I got to see in the theater, which was rare for me as a kid. Our neighbor, Mrs. Johnson, would occasionally take my brother and I to the theater to watch new movies. This happened to be one of those films. I remember an early teaser for this film on an old VHS tape we owned. What movie? Couldn’t tell you. But it essentially was behind-the-scenes footage of the film letting you know it was in production. I even remember a bit where Harrison Ford’s hat kept falling off, so they cut to a shot of him stapling the hat to his head. Did he actually do that? Of course not but it was believable enough to a 9-year-old.

It exists!

Now trying to decide whether Raiders or the Last Crusade is the better movie is pretty hard for me personally. Seeing as how Spielberg himself has said this is his favorite, I think you’d be in good company. Am I saying that I agree? Not yet but I may before this is over.

The opening scene is a treat, getting to see a young Henry Jones Jr. start down his path of exciting archeology. While I don’t think River Phoenix was necessarily the right choice to portray a younger Harrison Ford, Ford handpicked Phoenix to play the role. And there’s no denying his performance is solid, so I let it pass. And obviously, this opening is what inspired the creation of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. George Lucas had apparently offered River Phoenix the opportunity to reprise the role for the series, but he turned it down. It makes me wonder what his career would have looked like had he not passed at a young age. Would him taking this series have changed anything for him? It’s possible but not a guarantee either.

While on the subject of this scene, was it TRULY necessary to see how Indy got his chin scar? As a kid, it never crossed my mind, but I’ve seen it so much in prequels nowadays that it’s becoming an annoying trope. It’s not necessary to see how a character gets a jacket or a gun or whatever else they own UNLESS it’s incredibly important to the story. Same with the whip! Did he take that one home or something because I don’t remember him having it on him when he returned home. The snake bit wasn’t a bad choice though. Falling into a pit of vipers would traumatize anyone.

I can make the same argument with how he got the fedora, but in some way, it feels less ham-fisted than the scar. I can kinda see the guy giving Indy the hat as a sort of peace offering. Why he would then rip-off the guy’s whole look is a bigger mystery. The man who played the aptly named “Fedora” is actor Richard Young who unfortunately is only best known for this film, despite being in over 50 different film and TV projects, one being Friday the 13th part V where I knew him prior to this film. Now, if you’re asking yourself, “How would you have known him from Friday the 13th part V before this? You would have been between 5 and 9 between the release of both movies!” I’m sure I’ve mentioned it on Horror Ramblings, so go listen to our Friday the 13th episode.

Anyway, Richard Young’s part could have added a wrinkle or a plot hole into the story had they not changed one minor detail. It seems in earlier drafts of the script, his character name was not “Fedora” but instead Abner Ravenwood. Now, would that have complicated matters with Marion’s age? Possibly if she wasn’t born yet, but we’ll never know since this is not Abner. We also get another random villain that Indy is tussling with like Lao Che before him. While it could be problematic narratively in some ways, I think it works for this series to establish that Indy has screwed over quite a few people in search of rare artifacts that clearly belong in a museum. That said, the name “Panama Hat” needs some work… like a lot.

Denholm Elliot returns as Marcus Brody. I would have mentioned his appearance in Raiders, but his role was so miniscule compared to Last Crusade. Here, the man becomes part of the adventure and the movie is all the better for it. He can play serious and comedic in the same film, and it never feels inapt. He also says one of my all-time favorite lines in a movie…

Like, who the fuck thought of that and then wrote it down on paper. Sure, I guess there’s truth in it, even if it’s not in the way we think… but still!

I was so happy to see Sallah again, portrayed by the talented John Rhys-Davies. I’m glad they’ve used the character sparingly and haven’t tried to force him into adventures where he shouldn’t be. He also provides some comedic moments in the film. One of my favorites is when he’s trying to distract the Nazi gestapo while telling Brody to run. His timing and rhythms are on-point and makes me laugh every time.

Julian Glover is another career actor that is probably best known for this film. Either that or being General Veers in Empire Strikes Back. I almost didn’t recognize him in the Disney+ series Willow because I hadn’t seen him in such a long time. He’s been working steadily since this film with almost 200 titles under his belt. Just not in projects I’ve seen, so that’s on me. But the guy is a fantastic villain. Even knowing he’s the bad guy upon rewatch, he doesn’t play his hand when meeting Indy for the first time. Nothing about Donovan immediately screams “bad guy,” even though we know it.

Then we have the blonde bombshell that is Alison Doody. This Dublin born actress is probably known more for her modeling work than acting, even though she’s done a bit in her time. The only other film I know I’ve seen her in is Major League II. Had no idea she was in the breakout hit of 2022, RRR (Rise Roar Revolt). The film has been recommended to me, but… eh… the highlights were enough. I enjoyed the character of Elsa in the sense that we hadn’t seen Indy in THIS kind of predicament. In prior films, he always had his damsel. Here, the damsel is also the bad guy which subverts our expectations. It was more of a twist than Donovan.

Finally, we have to discuss Sean Connery. While the man may not have been at an age to actually BE Harrison Ford’s father, his portrayal of the character and his chemistry with Ford makes it completely believable. And returning to that James Bond trivia, Speilberg knew what he was doing. Bond is Jones’ dad, in essence at least. It all comes back to Bond. And while there were other choices in case Connery said “no,” I’m so glad he didn’t because I can’t think of another actor who would have nailed the role like he did. Can you imagine Gregory Peck in the role? Also, I can’t say the word “junior” without this innate desire to say it like Connery.

So far, I have barely discussed any of the McGuffins, as they are so affectionately referred to. The Ark and the Sankara Stones seemingly represented a great power that was being chased by villains who craved this power. It’s a simple concept I understand but cannot relate to. With the Holy Grail, I completely understand the desire for eternal life. If the opportunity was presented to me, I would probably act first and think about consequences later. Would I be a Donovan about it? I wouldn’t think so but who knows? Because of this, I feel the search for the Grail is a much more fascinating tale overall. Which means I think I’m saying this is the better movie.

As a person who does not classify as religious or spiritual, there are concepts that I do find fascinating. With religion like Christianity, I can find the lore appealing at times. Much in the way this film and Raiders posits much of the artifacts in their respective films. It never feels like something more than a legend and it’s more appealing to me that way. Much in the same way Greek mythology is usually presented. And I mean no disrespect to anyone listening who may be a Christian. Believing in biblical stories is a stretch for me, but again no disrespect for those who do. I just find them to be captivating tall tales when presented a certain way.

The rat scene under the library never bothered me like the snake pit. I can’t say I would WANT to be in that situation, but rats terrify me way less than snakes. (shudder) The chase scene from the Nazis out of Austria is a great chase scene with some creative ways of dispatching the bad guys. While it was amusing for me, it wasn’t for Henry which in itself was even more amusing to me. That glare he gives. I don’t know if it’s disappointment or what? But it’s so damn funny to me. The escape from the blimp is another great getaway scene, especially when Henry shoots the tail of the plane. Credit to him for playing it cool and blaming the Nazis.

The rescue of Marcus is another fantastic action set piece, especially the fight on the tank itself. Things get pretty intense. I’ve always wondered what would happen IF Indy had been dragged through that piece of dirt and rock. Because I want you to think about it for a moment, if the tank hits the rock, it could potentially get stuck upon hitting it. If that’s the case, there’s nothing behind Indy that would potentially crush him to death. Sure it could be like slamming into a wall which would hurt. Furthermore, I personally believe the tank has the power to push through the dirt and rock. And if it did, Indy would be pushed through it BUT I cannot imagine anything more than a hefty beating… possibly. I’ve thought about that scene a lot. And I’m probably wrong about it all. Mythbusters should do an episode.

The trials for the grail are another highlight for me. Something simplistic about the ideas and what they represent feels so on point. You MUST know what the riddles of these trails mean to pass them and they work in the context of Christianity. They don’t feel overly outlandish. The effects for Donovan decaying after drinking from the wrong cup is some next level special effects work that would have easily been CG today. And I get it. That whole sequence which runs about 30 seconds took over three months to complete. But it was worth it in my opinion. Effects, CG or otherwise, take time to refine. Studios need to slow down and allow effects teams to do their jobs. I’m looking at you Marvel.

I also have wondered about the Grail itself. Now, according to the Knight, the Grail could not pass beyond the great seal. So IF the Grail never left the temple, would Indy and Henry be immortal? Or did they have to remain in the temple for that to stay in effect? I was never 100% sure how that worked. If anyone has clarification, I’d love to hear it.

No surprise that John Williams returns once again for the score. There are quite a few choice compositions this time. “On the Tank” adds to the intensity of the situation already present, accentuating every element. Same goes with “Scherzo for Motorcycle and Orchestra” during that chase scene. “The Keeper of the Grail” feels on point with the presentation of the Knight himself. But the best composition is found in “Indy’s Very First Adventure.” This was the theme that Peter Griffin hums in the season 10 episode “Seahorse Shell Party”.

Because of that, I now do it too. But it IS a catchy theme and sets the tone going forward. Something I have to give credit to John Williams for is only reusing the Raiders March in these films since it became synonymous with Indiana Jones. Beyond that, every score is unique in its own way.

Seeing how, like so many of us, I believed this was going to be the final Indiana Jones film, there was a time I hoped that news would come down the pipeline that another one was in production. However, after some time had passed, I accepted the fact that The Last Crusade was the end of the line. Little did I know I would be proven wrong, for good or for ill. Had this particular film been the end of Indy’s adventures, you have to admit that this would have been an amazing note to go out on. In fact, I think the idea of attempting to top the Last Crusade is what kept Spielberg and Lucas from doing another sequel for so long. And we’ll talk about that journey next time!

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

This film is probably the one I remember seeing first out of all of the Indiana Jones films. As a kid, I was no doubt drawn into the adventure due to the inclusion of a kid with whom I could relate to in some way, even though the kid was about eight years older than me. Didn’t matter. He was relatable to me since I was also a kid. Having this fondness for the film at a young age may have skewed my perspective because I personally love it. And it surprised the hell out of me when I began hearing negative comments about the film as I got older.

I’m not sure what is specifically reviled about this entry. One guess I do have is how the film is extremely unbelievable at times, whereas Raiders could feel fantastic but remained relatively grounded. However, I argue that those moments are exactly in line with the adventure serials that the concept was based on. The hero performs some impossible feat only to have the serial end on a cliffhanger. Realistically, you know damn well that man is dead. Yet, in the follow-up serial, the hero has miraculously survived his incredible stunt. And the audience is just meant to believe it. I get it. Given the fantastic nature of these films in the first place, I don’t think it feels that far removed. But we’ll get around to all that.

Temple of Doom kicks things off with an elaborate musical number of Cole Porter’s Anything Goes performed by Kate Capshaw in Mandarin. Pretty impressive if you ask me. Let’s talk about Kate Capshaw for a moment because she won this part over Sharon Stone. Granted both actresses were relatively new to the scene at this point in their career, this film would have been completely different with Sharon Stone. The character of Willie Scott was that of a self-absorbed performer that has clearly been pampered all of her life. So when she is thrust into a situation she is unfamiliar with, of course she’s going to whine. I know that one of the film’s criticisms is that Willie is so annoying. But guess what? Kate Capshaw is playing that character to perfection, and I can’t imagine Sharon Stone pulling that off. Willie was meant to be a direct contrast to Marion Ravenwood in every way, and it’s apparent. This is who the character was, like it or not.

When the film truly begins after the opening credits, we learn that this film is actually a prequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark, not a sequel. According to George Lucas, he didn’t want Indy fighting Nazis again and I think that was a smart move. If all Indy did was fight Nazis, his adventures wouldn’t feel as expansive in my opinion. This shows that his exploits can take him anywhere and the world is his oyster. The showdown at the club is a fun introduction into the film and even sets up a villain, Lao Che, that could have returned at some point.

While I don’t need to praise Harrison Ford for his portrayal of the character in this film, I do want to mention his attire in the opening scene and how reminiscent it is to that of a certain James Bond. While I have no proof of this connective tissue, the opening scene does play like an old Bond film in some ways. And considering that’s what Speilberg was chasing when Indy came along, it makes one wonder if this scene was inserted to play out that dream in some aspect. I don’t know. I might be reaching here. In any case, Ford is on top of his game.

The escape from Club Obi-Wan leads our protagonist to his pal, Wan Li, better known by his nom de plume Short Round, played wonderfully by Ke Huy Quan. Seeing how this was his feature film debut and what a solid performance he gives, it should be no surprise that Ke won an Oscar this year. He has proven himself a solid actor, even if he’s only remembered for this film and the Goonies. Yes, people have rediscovered he was also in Encino Man, but that doesn’t count. It’s a shame Hollywood treated him with such disregard as a kid, yet his triumphant return to the screen has proven how much people love him. I truly hope we see more of him on-screen in the future. And not just in some forced Short Round spin-off on Disney+. Speaking of which, go check out American Born Chinese featuring Quan. He plays a character that reflects his own personal struggles as an Asian actor and it hits hard.

Shorty gets Indy and Willie to the local airport where Dan Aykroyd has chartered a flight for Indy already. Why is Dan Aykroyd in this movie? Beats me. I guess he and Speilberg enjoyed working with each other after 1941. Anyway, the plane is hijacked by Lao Che’s men showing that he controls Shanghai, so much so that he willed his henchmen into the plane before knowing where Indy was headed. Either that or Dan Akyroyd is a traitor. I’m inclined to think the latter.

To be fair, there was more to this scene that actually explains everything in greater detail and even gives us some additional information about the character Wu Han who was killed back at the nightclub. I’m not sure it was ever filmed since I’ve never seen any footage, but in the original script, as our trio head for the airplane, Indy asks Short Round if he had the tickets. Shorty responds, “Sure Indy! Three tickets. You, me, and Wu Han.” Indy then has to inform Shorty that Wu Han isn’t coming. Short Round takes the news in stride and confidently assures Indy that he’s his #1 bodyguard now. The extra ticket is then given to Willie, explaining that everything was planned accordingly but things went awry. Even when the man plans, things fall apart.

The next sequence is probably the one that gets the most flack. Of course, I’m talking about the leap from the airplane in a life raft. Sure, Mythbusters proved that everyone would have died. But one: this is fiction. And two: this is a scene that you would absolutely find in the old adventure serials I mentioned before. I guess we should also complain that the plane even exploded because that wouldn’t happen either, right? What are you here for if not death-defying thrills and scenes of pure escapism? Do you really think Willie would have learned Mandarin? I think not but I believe it because the movie told me to. Trying watching Disney’s Pocahontas with that kind of mindset. You’ll question EVERYTHING you believe.

I have to mention the shaman in the village of Mayapore. D.R. Nanayakkara was a Sri Lankan born actor who had been in over 40 movies before landing his final role in Temple of Doom. It still blows my mind to this day that he didn’t speak a word of English, yet you’d never know it because he perfectly mimed Steven Speilberg line readings. I would say there are instances where you could possibly get a sense of that but barely. He was an actor who may not have known the language, but he understood the craft and it shows.

The scene in the jungle where Willie is being traumatized by the wilderness is one of my favorite scenes in the movie. Not only because of Willie’s outrageous reactions to the animals around her, but also because of the argument between Indy and Short Round over cheating. They pay Willie no mind at first thinking she’s just overreacting then get lost in their own business that she could have been dying and they wouldn’t have realized. I don’t know why, but it cracks me up every time.

https://youtu.be/xCWokUwUSk4

The dinner scene in Pankot Palace is another highlight. I remember being fascinated and equally grossed out by this scene as a kid. The snake surprise is when I would have left the table. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. The spike room is another scene that gets my blood pumping. It’s a great blend of thrills and comedy where the tension never lets up, even though you know our heroes are going to make it out. I know my wife loves me and all, but I would be dead in that situation. So props for Willie being a trooper and facing her fears. It was some character growth for her, and to some degree for Kate Capshaw. It seems she had to be drugged to do ANY scenes involving bugs which apparently did the trick. She also had a scene involving a large snake that Speilberg cut because she was terrified of the prospect. I guess we know why she married him.

Let’s talk about the film’s primary villain, Mola Rom played by Indian actor Amrish Puri. Here was another actor who had been acting for some time, yet primarily acted in Hindi films. Unlike D.R. Nanayakkara, Puri had been cast in one Hollywood production two years prior with Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi. It seemed the casting director’s had approached Puri for the role, but he initially refused to audition. Eventually, he came around and because of that, we have one of the most iconic villains ever put to celluloid. Mola Rom is the BEST villain in the entire franchise. I can hear some of you already scoffing at such a claim. But when you can tell me what makes Belloq or Donavan or even Irina Spalko the superior villain, then I’ll reconsider.

The sacrifice scene is one of those I struggled to watch as a kid because it was incredibly gruesome for a child. But I was also fascinated by it. I knew it wasn’t real, but the scene where it happened sure looked real to this 5-year-old’s eyes. It was that scene that was the arguing point for many parents calling for an additional rating between PG and R. While the PG-13 rating has become the golden staple for big studio blockbusters, I would argue that its implementation is as arbitrary as an NC-17 rating. No one was letting anyone under the age of 17 into an R-rated feature, anymore than they were letting 5-year-olds into PG-rated features, unaccompanied by an adult. Furthermore, what constitutes an R-rating can vary from what I’ve heard. And filmmakers have made cuts to their pictures only to finally resubmit the original cut and have it pass the rating board. It’s inconsistent and ridiculous. But this is a topic worth discussing on a different pod.

The escape from the mines is thrilling to me. Watching Indy beat the hell out of these guards who have been abusing these children is cathartic in some way. If you have any kind of sympathy, you kinda want to join in and help. Then we get the mine cart chase that will no doubt be a point of contention. But as I’ve pointed out, it’s meant to be exaggerated and I find it equally thrilling despite knowing they should have died at numerous points throughout. Once they escape the deluge of water, we get the exciting bridge sequence which gives me anxiety. I’m not a fan of heights, so that entire scenario is not one I could manage mentally. But I don’t have to. Indy has it covered. It may have seemed crazy at that moment. But it worked.

One scene that bugs me a little is the scene before Indy reached the bridge when he’s encountered by three guards with swords. With a cocky smirk, Indy goes to reach for a gun only to realize his holster is empty. Now, this is a direct callback to the scene I loved in Raiders. However, the attitude Indy displays gives the impression he’s been in this situation before and knows the easiest way to handle it. However, based on what WE the viewers know, he HASN’T been in this situation yet, therefore it doesn’t make sense. It’s a minor gripe for a tiny Easter egg, but both filmmakers should have known better than that.

John Williams once again scores the film beautifully. We obviously hear the return of the Raiders theme, but it weaves into new themes without missing a beat. Short Round’s Theme is probably the standout here that really defines the film. However, the opening march to the Slave Children’s Crusade is a banger in another amazing composition.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is an amazing follow-up to Raiders of the Lost Ark that may not be as good as the original, but is a solid entry nonetheless with many memorable moments and characters.

If you want some extra details about a darker version of this film, I highly recommend the video below from the YouTube channel Hats Off Entertainment. Channel host Joe Ramoni did a fascinating deep dive into lost material, and you might even find some additional videos on his channel that catches your eye.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

Here we are, back for yet another season of Podcasters Assemble, a cavalcade of indie podcasters giving their opinions on whatever franchise is getting ready to release a new entry, so we can shit on that one when it comes out. It’s like Twitter. Only more organized.

Now first things first, if you’re one of those people who calls this film “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark,” stop it. That’s not the name of this film. Sure, there has been new artwork that adds that unnecessary bit in. But when the title appears in the film, it reads, “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” So, don’t forget that.

As a kid growing up in the 80s, I remembered when at least two of the first three Indiana Jones adventures were released. Raiders came out when I was still a mere infant. Or a toddler. I was one, dammit. Anyway, I always remember seeing bits and pieces when my father would watch it again on numerous occasions. There were scenes I would always remember, but the rest of the film would be a faint memory. Beyond that, it felt like it was just grown-up content, and I didn’t care about it. For many years as a youth, I thought this movie was boring.

It wasn’t until I was much older when I purchased my own set of the Indiana Jones trilogy, that I truly sat down and watched Raiders of the Lost Ark from beginning to end. It was THAT viewing that changed my whole perspective on this film. Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the most thrilling and exciting action/adventure movies ever made. Hands down. I’m tempted to say THE most, but I like to keep my opinions loose.

So, as the story goes, George Lucas pitched the idea for this film to Steven Spielberg while they were on vacation. It seemed Spielberg was expressing interest in directing a James Bond film to which Lucas retorted, “I’ve got a much better idea.” Now, somewhere in the multiverse, Spielberg said “no” and pursued a Bond picture, which you KNOW he could have easily secured. While his name didn’t have the gravitas it does now, this was still AFTER Jaws AND Close Encounters. E.T. was the following year after Raiders. While those titles do not scream spy director, I don’t think the Broccoli family would have turned him away either. He was a bonafide moneymaker.

Anyway, Lucas’s pitch was to recreate the heroes from matinee serials seen in the 1930s. In a time when television was still two decades away, the old Nickelodeon was the place to forget your troubles for a few hours. Watching swashbuckling adventures of daring-do that typically ended on cliffhangers to get audiences to return to the cinemas for the thrilling conclusion. Amazing that doesn’t quite work the same today. Furthermore, why can’t we bring back theater shorts like the Three Stooges, Tom & Jerry, or Superman? Little bonuses like that would sure entice me more to the theater. But I digress.

I think what makes this film work so well is everyone involved. Again, Steven Spielberg had already directed two big hits, not to mention one of the best TV movies I’ve ever seen. Seriously, if you’ve never seen Duel, I highly recommend it. The man had proven he had what it takes to direct a solid film. And yes, I am aware that 1941 came out before this, so there was a blemish of sorts. I would speak of that film, but I’m trying to stay on topic here.

George Lucas had also proven himself to be a visionary, thanks in no small part to Star Wars. Sure, he had made a name for himself with THX 1138 and American Graffiti, but the worldwide phenomenon that Star Wars became sealed the deal. It also scared him away from directing another feature for 20 years. Which may have been a good thing when you take a look at everything he directed AFTER the original Star Wars. That’s another one too! That movie was ORIGINALLY just Star Wars, not this “A New Hope” crap! Make Star Wars Star Wars Again! Sorry anyway, the point being is George Lucas is a great idea man. He just needs help with execution.

Then there’s our protagonist himself: Indiana Jones. Can you even imagine this character being played by anyone else? Harrison Ford IS the embodiment of this character. He was always meant to be Indiana Jones. I think this is why people are defensive about other actors, such as human punching bag Chris Pratt, taking over the role from Ford. And I get it. Schwarzenegger IS the Terminator. Robert Englund IS Freddy Krueger. Stallone IS Rocky… and also Rambo. While other actors have portrayed Superman after Christopher Reeve, you can help but look at HOW he personified the character better than anyone before or since. He IS Superman for me. So, to think that we could have had Tom Selleck in the role instead is mind-boggling. Thank god he was stuck on Magnum P.I.

Fun fact: in the final season of the original Magnum P.I. (I must specify “original” now since there are remakes/reboots of everything now) did do a parody episode of sorts where Tom Selleck got to wear an outfit reminiscent of Indy’s and search for a long-lost artifact. Still wasn’t rocking it as well as Harrison Ford. And what IF Tom Selleck had done both Magnum and Indy? Would that have meant that the creator of Chip n Dale’s Rescue Rangers was a huge fan of Selleck’s work? Or just the characters he played? The mysteries of the universe…

Karen Allen was also fantastic casting as Marion Ravenwood. She wasn’t the typical damsel in distress, even though she is seemingly that throughout a good portion of the film. She was feisty and independent and could easily hold her own had they allowed her to. Remember, this was still at a point in time when women were still props for the male hero to rescue. If this movie was made today, Marion would have been kicking asses throughout, not needing Indy’s help for rescue. An equal not a damsel.

And while we’re here, let’s go ahead and talk about the implications that Indy had relations with an underage girl because someone in this lot is going to bring it up besides me. I honestly think that the line is being misconstrued. Now, granted there is about a 10-year age difference between the two actors. So, if we’re going off that, then perhaps when she was 18, he was 28. They had a fling, but he moved on. For her to say, I was a child doesn’t necessarily mean just that. She could have been talking about it from a mental capacity. Still young and naïve. But then again, 13 to 14-year-old girls used to be arranged into marriages at this time as well, so… what do I know? All I’m saying is I don’t think Indy is a pedophile, ok?

John Rhys Davies is another great addition as Sallah. He’s a trusted ally for Indy that they could have easily written to eventually betray Indy in exchange for whatever arbitrary want or need. But he is loyal to the end, and I appreciate the hell out of that. Unlike Alfred Molina who betrays Indy after… well not really doing much of anything but screaming like a little bitch while Indy navigates his way through dangerous traps. Still fun to see Molina in one of his earliest film roles. Ron Lacey as Toht exudes a slimy creepiness while channeling Peter Lorre. While he nails his performance here, I couldn’t tell you another film I’ve ever seen him in. If I had, I wouldn’t recognize him.

Finally, Paul Freeman is amazing as Belloq. Typically, a television actor before this role, it surprises me that he didn’t have a wave of villainous roles thrown his direction that he took as a steady actor. And while people most definitely remember him from this film, some kids of the 90s might unknowingly know him as Ivan Ooze from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie. Once again proving he has a knack for playing a villain.

While all the actors and even the writer and director are top notch, the film is further elevated by the score from legendary composer John Williams. The Raiders March is iconic. It’s as iconic as the themes to Star Wars, Superman, and Jaws, all composed by Williams, and ALL are remembered to this day. Some may criticize his work for some reason or another which I can understand. Hell, I’ve heard similar chords in Star Wars that I have in Raiders. And no not in the scene in the tomb where you can see cave paintings of R2 and 3PO. But you can’t deny his work as a composer is phenomenal. In fact, one of my favorite compositions of his comes from the John Wayne film, the Cowboys. It doesn’t initially sound like his work but certain cues and instrumentations seep through but in a good way.

While this film is certainly iconic for several reasons, I can think of no other scene than the rolling boulder that became a staple of pop culture. Sure, those of us who love the film and have seen it 100 times over can pick many scenes that are iconic, but none have infiltrated the zeitgeist like that one did. How many parodies have we seen at this point? Several come to mind: the Simpsons, UHF, Muppet Babies, Christmas Vacation… and I’m sure I’m missing plenty.

One of my all-time favorites that made me laugh SO hard during my first proper rewatch was the shooting of the giant swordsman. While it was not initially written that way, it works so much better overall. I can understand the actor being robbed of his big moment that he trained for, but it was the logical choice in the moment. Why wouldn’t you just shoot this guy if the opportunity was there? I’m so glad Harrison Ford convinced them to do it that way. Hooray for food poisoning?

One trait of Indiana Jones that I can relate to is his fear of snakes. The scene in the tomb of the Ark is not my favorite scene at all. I think I would have a full-blown panic attack were I in that situation. I have NO idea what would snap me out of it either. All I would know is that I’m surrounded by snakes and one of them is going to bite me, no matter what I do, and I’ll die right here in this tomb. Seriously, fuck some snakes.

For me, the best sequence in this movie is when Indy chases after the ark in the truck through the desert. In a time before CGI, stuntmen did some crazy stuff and the stunts in that sequence thrill me every single time. Indy climbing under the truck alone is intense, KNOWING someone is actually doing that. The film is obviously chock full of amazing scenes and stunts, but this sequence takes the cake for me. It’s rare when a film can elicit the same response every viewing. Except for bad films. They always make me turn them off in disgust. Shameful.

And we can’t talk about this film without talking about the ending. As a kid, I was always under the assumption that this movie was rated R, given the somewhat graphic nature of some scenes, mainly the opening of the Ark of the Covenant. The effects work was unlike anything I had ever seen and was truly my first glimpse at horrific gore. Bloody melted faces, I mean MY GOD!! I’m honestly surprised that the discussion of a new rating didn’t begin here. And it may have. While it may feel extreme and somewhat excessive, it doesn’t feel out of place. In fact, I think the film earns that moment, almost to showcase what tampering with the power of God can cost you. It’s an equally terrifying and fascinating scene.

As I said before, this is one of the best action/adventure films ever made. It’s one of Spielberg’s best and I’ll even share that credit with George Lucas. It has everything you could possibly want in a film that promises to be a thrill ride. Action, humor, thrill, chills, spills, and most importantly characters worth rooting for. This film should be required viewing for any cinephile.

JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION

We’ve FINALLY reached the end of this Jurassic journey. And if the next series of films carries that name, you’re all witnesses in the lawsuit I will bring up against Amblin Entertainment, Universal, and whatever other company is involved with the franchise going forward.

I never had a chance to see this film in theaters, continuing my streak of never once going to a theater to see one of these movies. It seems that timing has always been an issue and I’m not interested enough to find a workaround. Although considering how much I paid for VOD, I think I would have preferred the cost of a theater. But it doesn’t matter now.

Jurassic World Dominion follows the newest Hollywood trend of bringing back original actors and pairing them with the new cast of characters. And to be honest, those moments were the biggest highlight of this film to me. Too bad it happened in the last 45 minutes. Beyond that novelty, this was a nothing movie to me. None of the stakes that are spoken about as a global catastrophe feel like they are as big as they want us to believe it is. Now, extinct dinosaurs roam the Earth and are disrupting the current ecosystem, which could lead to many more problems. I feel like I mentioned that possibility last time. The idea of humans having to co-exist with dinosaurs while trying to figure out a long-term game plan SOUNDS like an interesting movie. More interesting than this. Hell, that short film Battle at Big Rock, had more potential than this.

Instead, we are presented with more corporate stupidity fueled by greed. You know, the same plot we’ve seen time and again. This time, InGen is no longer the problem but rival company Biosyn, who I was hoping would pop up at some point. On the surface, they claim to be doing groundbreaking research in their fancy dinosaur preserve. But we all know better. At least this time they were smart about the location, choosing the Dolomite Mountains, the tough, black mountain range that won’t cop out when there’s heat all about.

But in the face of a massive ecological disaster, what does Biosyn do? Creates another ecological disaster. This comes in the form of once extinct giant locusts that were brought back to life to destroy crops that aren’t made from Biosyn seeds, thereby creating a way of controlling the world’s food supply. On one hand, this sounds like an incredibly idiotic idea, especially one to use as a plot device. On the other hand, I believe that this would 100% happen in reality, so perhaps that was their logic behind it. Henry Wu, back once again, is also responsible for this but for some reason, locusts were a bridge too far and regrets everything. You have to admit he has one hell of an unimportant story arc.

And while we’re talking about idiotic ideas, other humans follow suit and create fighting areas, black markets and so on for dinosaurs because why wouldn’t you? I think that’s what aggravates me so much about the film is they hit SO many familiar beats. Yeah ok sure this is probably what WOULD happen. But why do we have to go that route with the narrative? Colin Trevorrow returns to the director’s chair and is once again one of the writers. You are god of the story! And this is where you go? I’m honestly not impressed with this director. His name holds ZERO weight to me.

Then we have the sub-plot revolving around Maisie, the cloned daughter of Benjamin Lockwood, where we learn that Maisie ISN’T a clone at all but was conceived asexually BY Charlotte Lockwood. And because of this, she and Blue’s asexually conceived spawn Beta (which is a very unoriginal name BTW) are the keys to stopping this locust crisis or whatever. I felt they were trying to retcon Fallen Kingdom but just makes everything more convoluted. Sounds like Trevorrow would have been perfect for Rise of Skywalker…

Speaking of which, why does Maisie have a British accent? Last I checked, accents aren’t a genetic trait. Take the same person and put them in two different parts of the world during their formative years, and it’s an absolute fact they will have integrated with the local accents. Yet this child, never once having been raised by someone WITH a British accent, has one that’s deeply ingrained into who she is. I’m well aware that the actress is from London, but she’s not the actress. She’s this character who HAPPENED to have a British mother for some reason and honestly never really knew. But also had an American sounding father who clearly raised her… I’m overthinking this. More than the writers ever did.

I guess we should talk about the cast. Chris Pratt is back. Bryce Dallas Howard is also back. What are they doing outside of being parents to the clone girl? Similar things like they were doing in other movies, meaning nothing of any real substance that pays off in any way. Sam Neill and Laura Dern are also back as those characters they played in the first and third movies. They too are doing those things we saw them doing in previous movies because that’s what we, as an audience, want to see: the same old thing. I was a bit surprised how much they actually had to do here. They were surprisingly integral to the mess of a story. Goldblum is back. Albeit less than everyone else, honestly but he shines as always.

Biggest surprise return is our old pal, Lewis Dodgson, whom we last saw in the original film. Some might say, “wow, the last thirty years took a toll on that guy. I didn’t even recognize him.” Well that’s because this is a different actor. While I’m sure under different circumstances, the filmmakers would have extended an offer to original actor Cameron Thor to reprise his role. However, 14 counts of third-degree rape, 13 counts of sexual assault on a child, and six years in prison for said crimes may have played a role in that decision. Seriously, fuck that guy.

In any case, Campbell Scott takes over the role, and he’s a capable actor with a name that feels like an accident happened at the hospital. You’ve seen him in stuff before like Family Ties, Damages, and even the Secret Lives of Dentists. Despite his capability, Dodgson is more or less Eli Mills from Fallen Kingdom. Nothing about him makes him feel nuanced or unique. Just another greedy suit. But hey, we get to see the Barbasol can again! I’m glad to see they somehow found it at some point and did something with it. Dodgson even dies the same way as Nedry which I found… derivative. It’s like the filmmakers were going, “you see what we did? Huh? You see it?” Yeah.. we got it…

I also feel there were some scenes left on the cutting room floor between Dodgson and Ramsey because when Dodgson found out that Ramsey exposed what they were doing, Dodgson came off like he’d been betrayed by someone who was more than a work colleague. I know there was a line early on where Dodgson presented Ramsey as just like him, but that’s a minor line for such a major reaction. But at almost two and a half hours, who gives a damn?

More things that annoyed me: Grady needed a motorcycle to outrun these special attack raptors, yet somehow Claire outran one on foot no problem. That feels inconsistent. The T-Rex that shows up is apparently Rexy, the same T-Rex from before. Because there are no other T-Rexs ever created. The shot of Rexy walking by that Biosyn structure to create the illusion of the logo made me roll my eyes because there is NO telling how long they’ve wanted to do that. The fact that NO ONE had acknowledged that dinosaurs are imaginary. “ALL AN ILLUSION,” as Ellie once put it. It’s mind-boggling and frankly insulting.

Positives… hmm… it was nice to see NEW dinosaurs for a change. You know, ones that were some genetic aberration. The Therizinosaurus was pretty cool as was the Giganotosaurus, even though it was nothing more than a spikier T-Rex. The fight at the end was kinda cool. We got to see some dimetrodons which I don’t EVER remember seeing in one of these films. I’ve always been fascinated by their design. This film seemingly acknowledged part 3 by referring to Ellie’s husband Mark. But now that they are divorced, that allows Alan and Ellie to get a happy ending together, which is nice I guess. Michael Giachinno returns to score the film and does fine. Nothing stands out in the score. He reuses some of John Williams’ composition as he did before while adding his own themes but nothing astounding. It just is.

I know I’ve given hell to others for overthinking certain movies, but certain movies KNOW exactly what they are. This franchise has been all over the map in trying to find its identity. And it feels like it only knows from the start and gets lost along the way. Much like Jurassic Park, Jurassic World is the superior film in the trilogy. As the stories progress, they don’t know what to do and the plot becomes so convoluted that the thrill of it all is gone. I think I would have preferred another 90 minute roller coaster versus a 150 minute slog. If you’re going to take that much of my time, you better entertain the hell out of me.

In closing, I think I realized I’m not much of a fan of this franchise. And if this is the end of it, then I’d be perfectly fine with that. But like all the jerk-asses in these movies, Hollywood sees the money in dinosaurs. And it’s only a matter of time before the franchise is revived by advanced cloning techniques only to be renamed Billy and the Cloneasaurus.

JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

I don’t think I’m going to cover all the bases I wanted to here because I’m writing this a few weeks removed from watching this film again. Upon rewatching, I realized this would only be the second time I had seen it. Then I wondered why? Over two hours later, I remembered.

Fallen Kingdom feels like a stepping stone to another idea. As if one of the screenwriters said, “wouldn’t it be cool if dinosaurs were on the loose in the world again and people have to learn to coexist with them? Too bad they’re stuck on an island.” Then there’s a brief pause, the screenwriters stare at one another and then the other one says, “But what if they got OFF?” And that became the basis for this movie. But because clever screenwriting is difficult for some people, they chose to lift numerous elements from The Lost World and essentially remake that film while adding their own ideas so it’s “different enough.”

Previous Jurassic World director Colin Trevorrow decided to hand the reins of this film to Spanish director J.A. Bayona for reasons that I can only assume amounted to not wanting to direct an inferior sequel, which he knew it was. He co-wrote the freaking thing. And I can’t necessarily fault Bayona for everything. You can attempt to polish and sculpt a turd into something amazing, but at the end of the day, it’s still a turd.

The film has glimmers of good ideas. But they are either never paid off, rip-off something else, or pay-off in the worst way imaginable. And we’ll get into them as we go along, so buckle up listeners. This is gonna be like falling off a cliff in a gyrosphere.

So clearly, as previously stated, no one EVER learns a lesson in these films. And the opening scene proves that immediately. We see the aftermath of Jurassic World’s destruction meant to be set a few weeks after it all went down. Knowing this little detail helps explain how the Mosasaurus was alive at the beginning of the film, but not at the end of the film. People are ONCE AGAIN trying to do something unholy with dinosaurs as some team goes back to the island to collect Indominus DNA. Because it worked out so well last time.

Fast forward three years, another detail that would have benefitted from a subtitle, and Isla Nublar is about to face the wrath of Mother Nature… or God… or whatever imaginary creature is planning to off this island of imaginary creatures. The U.S. government debates on whether or not they should do something. But being the U.S. government, we already know they already DON’T do anything, so their involvement here is a moot point. Jeff Goldblum returns as Ian Malcolm for this little bookend cameo that feels very pointless and shoehorned in. I like Goldblum. And I like Ian Malcolm. But was his “testimony” necessary for this? I feel like the survivors of the more recent Jurassic World debacle could speak to this topic just as well.

Claire has moved on from being the corporate face of the park to being the founder of the Dinosaur Protection Group, which is looking to save the dinosaurs from going extinct again. But… they aren’t REAL. They are abominations created by man that SHOULD NOT EXIST in the world’s new eco-system. The island, at least, made sense. It’s isolated, self-sustaining. It works. Obviously, they want to just move them to a NEW island and that will fix everything. But will it? Isla Nublar seemed to be a genetically designed paradise for dinosaurs. Another island will just instantly work? Doesn’t make sense to me. And the U.S. government clearly agreed with sane reasoning, showing how fictitious this film really is.

In any case, this decision prompts Sir Benjamin Lockwood, a former associate of John Hammond that we’ve never heard of until this moment, to assemble a team to go to the island and rescue the dinosaurs. Hmm… that sounds familiar. Lockwood is played by the always amazing James Cromwell. The man is always a welcome sight to me, no matter how bad the film may be. Just occurred to me that he and Bryce Dallas Howard were in Spider-Man 3 together as Captain and Gwen Stacy, respectively. Then again… let’s cast Cromwell as Spider-Gwen…I’d be down for that.

While here we are also introduced to YET ANOTHER kid in this damn franchise, Maisie Lockwood. One might immediately expect her to stowaway onto the ships or whatever because we need kids in peril. However, she doesn’t do that meaning we know that the dino action is going to have to come to her.

One specimen that seems to take precedent on the island is our friend Blue, the smartest velociraptor that was ever imagined. But since nobody knows how to find her, Claire enlists Owen Grady, doing his best Chris Pratt imitation, to go find his old friend. The fact they were most interested in Blue should have raised HUGE red flags. But since the dying old man asked nicely, then it should be fine. Lockwood isn’t a bad guy. He’s just done some… questionable science some might find immoral. But we’ll get to that.

Then the movie becomes the Lost World but with the threat of a volcano. Ted Levine plays Ken Wheatley who initially comes off like he’ll be an ok guy, but we know better than that. He soon shows his true dick colors and is there for no other reason than to secure ol Blue. So much so he leaves Owen Pratt to die in lava. Seriously, the man should have been burned by the lava. I’ve never been around the stuff, but basic science would denote an estimated safe distance of 10 feet, at the VERY least. And that’s a generous estimation. Too close for me. Grady was right on top of it and came out unscathed. Bullshit. But I keep forgetting this is fantasy and junk science.

In any case, the team gets a number of dinos off the island before all of Isla Nublar goes up in flames. Ok maybe not ALL of it. But they sure sell the idea, even though there’s a huge section of the island that looks unscathed. But the movie said it’s gone, so I should trust it knows what’s happening. Before moving on, this looks like a pretty large island. Large enough to house numerous species of dinosaur, yet somehow between this film and the last film, the characters all seem to stomp along the same ground. How convenient they found the gyrosphere from the last movie?

Back at the Lockwood compound, we find that Lockwood’s aide Eli Mills, played by Rafe Spall, has bigger plans for all the dinosaurs. That plan being money because why wouldn’t it be? That’s what every plot involving corporations revolves around. We’re gonna sell dinosaurs to other people who may or may not use them as weapons. People, keep in mind, have NO idea how to handle a dinosaur. So even if these transactions were successful, the dinosaurs were going to wreak havoc across the globe no matter what. But hey… that’s not his problem. He got his money, right? Seriously, Mills is the biggest dick in the entire franchise.

We see Henry Wu is back and working for this knob head. He seems to have gone completely off the rails and is just all about creating these dino hybrids now. Here, we have the Indoraptor which is supposed to be better than the Indominus Rex because it’s LIKE a bigger, smarter raptor. Nothing about this thing made me feel like it was a step above the I-Rex. Just… another one. “Oh my god another genetically enhanced dinosaur. What are we going to do?” Let the dinos fight it out because if there’s anything worth watching here, it’s Blue fighting the Indoraptor. And how does ol Blue take care of this monstrosity? The same way fan favorite character Kelly Malcolm did: gymnastics! You can’t tell me that wasn’t a homage. Finally, the fate of all the captive dinosaurs is up in the air. Claire and Owen KNOW they must die. But wouldn’t you know it, Maisie lets them go. Why? “Because they’re like me.” or whatever she said.

Dinos are now free and roaming the Earth once more. With that, now they can make the movie they REALLY wanted to make. And sure the prospect of THAT idea is cool. But this is what we had to go through to get there. People can piss on the others all day long, but THIS is the weakest entry. And considering the track record of diminishing returns, I have low expectations for Dominion.

There is so much wasted potential here. Justice Smith and Toby Jones are great actors with nothing to do. The “idea” of weaponizing dinosaurs was brought up again, yet no follow through. If you’re gonna go off-the-rails then go hard! Let me see Jurassic World turn into Dino Riders. It’s the crossover those of us that grew up in the 80s have been waiting for.

The clone sub-plot feels like it had a purpose that was never fully realized. Ok so Maisie was the clone of Lockwood’s deceased daughter, and her existence or Lockwood’s obsession with clones led to a falling out with Hammond. These are fascinating plot points that could be worth exploring. Why wouldn’t a grieving father take advantage of the ability to replace his child? What are the moral implications? Etc and so forth. I know this isn’t a dino-centric subplot but it could make for interesting character development. But the whole thing is squandered. Ok so she’s a clone of the daughter. And? Yet she understands the dinosaurs because she too is a clone. Get fucked.

Speaking of things that can get fucked, there may be other moments before this film where someone says, “the franchise went too far,” or whatever. This franchise lost me the moment the Indoraptor smiled AT THE CAMERA. How can we take anything seriously went you just had your freaking mutant dino pull a wink and nod out of its ass? You might as well allowed it to speak! It’s not off the table now! At least when a raptor spoke in a previous film, it WAS A FREAKING DREAM!!! But I digress.

If there was one thing I could speak positively about in this film, it’s the shot of the Brachiosaurus being left behind and dying on the island. There’s alot going on there. While I’m not a fan of the idea that THIS particular Brachiosaurus is the very first one we EVER saw in these movies, it does work in the context of the scene. It becomes the beginning and the end of Hammond’s dream. It’s beautiful and haunting all at once.

I’m surprised I had this much to say about this film since I do remember checking out several times as I attempted to watch it again. Had this film done worse at the box office and not set up another film, I could easily believe that this would have ended the franchise dead in its tracks.