Stick Figure Man

One of the last great comic ideas I felt like I ever had was The Adventures of Stick Figure Man. One day while at school in the middle of class, I began doodling a stick figure out of boredom. Utilizing the simplicity of the frame, I drew several different dynamic action poses in an attempt to improve my art style. For whatever reason, I was intrigued enough by my work that I drew the character again but with clothing. This became a regular occurrence to the point that I decided to write and draw a little comic to make him an official character.

The Many Adventures of Stick Figure Man #1: Get to Know Jack
The comic begins with Jack introducing himself and the world in which he inhabits. It gets convoluted and a bit ridiculous. As he goes out to greet the day, a group of criminals are running out of the local bank with bags of cash in hand. Jack takes off after the criminals. He jumps off of a car onto the criminal’s vehicle, breaks the windshield, grabs the wheel, and crashes the vehicle into a tree. Jack jumps off the vehicle and pitches his upcoming adventures in the series.

An interesting aspect that I like to point out is that this comic, along with several others I drew for this series, was illustrated on one sheet of paper, folded in half. Since most of these ideas came to me in class at school, I would fold up an old worksheet or test paper and draw the comic on it. I did this with every entry in this series, making it the only series of mine that is completely unorganized. I’m not even sure I have the original comic strips anymore.

That first comic strip allowed me to see how this character could work in an action setting. Considering how the characters are drawn, I had to work on making them distinguishable from other thin objects. Luckily, those early strips were like blueprints for a bigger project.

THE GREATEST ADVENTURES OF STICK FIGURE MAN

After I had written a number of different comic strips featuring Jack, I decided that I wanted to move Jack into a larger space. I had relegated him to small pieces of paper because he could operate there freely. But now I wanted to see what more I could do with the character. So, to test the waters, I decided to remake my small comic strips on larger paper. But instead of just redrawing them, I decided to center them around the narrative framework of flashbacks. This allowed me to tell each story separately as they were but on a much bigger scale. Since I was combining everything, I chose to label this one of my “film” ideas.

After some credits, we begin our story in the year 2075 in Stickville U.S.A. A grandfather calls for his grandchildren, so he can regale them with a story. He says that he is going to tell them a story about the greatest hero the town of Stickville had ever seen. As we flashback to the past, three men are robbing a bank. They head towards their escape vehicle, as the aforementioned hero runs in their direction. As the vehicle pulls away and down the road, the hero leaps onto a car, jumps off of the car’s hood, and onto the vehicle of the bank robbers. The hero says “Hi!” before smashing through the windshield. He then grabs the driver and smashes his face into the steering wheel, knocking him unconscious. The hero then turns the wheel of the vehicle, crashing it into a tree. We then cut back to the grandfather explaining that Jack, the town hero, was only the first. Over time, new heroes began emerging which did not set well with Jack. Grandfather begins telling the tale of when Jack met Arachnid Guy. The text reads Spider-Stickman, so just bare with me a moment. Jack meets up with a nearby police officer to get some information about this new hero in town. The officer could only offer up the detail that the hero used sticky ropes. Jack finds this information to be worthless and berates the officer. He then walks off in thought, trying to decipher where the hero would have gone before spotting him swinging nearby. Jack climbs a building, catches the hero’s sticky rope, pulls him up to his level and begins questioning him.

Before going any further, I figured I would address some name changes that will be present throughout this page. When I first drew these comics, I did not create proper parody names for any characters based on existing IP. If the character was supposed to be a parody of Spider-Man, I would just insert the word “stick” before “man” and Bob’s your uncle. Over time, I began to dislike the names, finding them boring, unoriginal, and not very inspired. So, I worked to create names that were similar enough that you got the joke, like Arachnid Guy. It’s simple enough and allows him to stand apart. And since I didn’t work in color, I visualized everything colored as it would be, but wasn’t against the idea of mixing up the colors should that day ever come. In any case, I will be referring to all of the characters by their finalized name, not their original placeholder.

Arachnid Guy introduces himself and explains he’s just trying to help with crime in the city. Jack takes offense to this, assuming Arachnid Guy is calling him incompetent. This eventually leads to Arachnid Guy kicking Jack in between the legs. Jack sets Arachnid Guy down slowly, catches his breath, and then proceeds to attack. Arachnid Guy webs Jack’s face and leaps off the building. Jack pulls the webbing off of his face and rushes to cut Arachnid Guy’s webline. Arachnid Guy begins falling to the ground, so he shoots another web to break his fall. Unfortunately, he webs Jack yanking him off the building. They both land in some garbage below. Jack takes a moment to realize that the city could use two heroes and decides to bury the hatchet.

Grandfather mentions that Jack began to embrace his new allies in crimefighting, which leads into the next story. Jack runs up on the local cop from earlier and asks for a description of the crook. The officer says that he was wearing a cape. Jack is frustrated by the lack of details, but decides to roll with it anyway. He deduces that if the crook had a cape, then logically he would fly. Soon, he spots a figure flying in the sky, adorned with a cape. Jack rushes up a nearby building and encounters this new hero. Jack immediately accuses him of robbing the bank. However, the hero identifies himself as Superbman (aka Superstickman), and that the REAL criminal is nefarious villain Naked Guy in a Cape. Jack thinks that he’s crazy and attacks.

Over the years, I have really worked to refine how I draw these characters. You will notice that all of the characters seem to be wearing large, bulky outfits. In my head since these were stick figures, they would have bulky clothing. I even went so far as to draw muscles on some of them. Eventually, it didn’t make sense to me, so I worked to make a more streamlined look. Slimmer, sleeker, and much more emotive.

Upon punching him, Jack learns how indestructible Superbman is. Superbman then grabs Jack and throws him off the building and into the bay. Superbman turns his attention to the city and uses his X-ray vision to locate Naked Guy in a Cape. He immediately flies to his location and breaks through his apartment wall. As Superbman and Naked Guy in a Cape square off, Jack leaps through the gaping hole in the wall and smashes directly into Superbman’s backside. As Jack starts a scuffle with Superbman, Naked Guy in a Cape takes the opportunity to flee. Using his “special” cape, he leaps out of the hole in an attempt to fly, but instead falls to the ground. Superbman finally submits to Jack to end the fight, satisfying Jack’s need to be right.

Grandfather explains that Jack eventually made friends with the heroes in town, and that his life wasn’t all action and adventure. He begins telling the tale of a date Jack had that led to another adventure. In the flashback, Jack presses the door bell to a large mansion. He is greeted by a man named Clogan (aka Wolverstick) who Jack informs about his date with Betsy (Stycklocke). Clogan isn’t too thrilled about Jack, but the rest of the group in the house seem much more welcoming, as Jack is greeted by The Dean (aka Professor Stixavier) and Flimflam (aka Gambstick). After dinner, Unibeam (aka Styclops) begins asking Jack about his mutant powers. Jack causally informs them that he isn’t a mutant which doesn’t set right with Clogan. This sets off an argument between the two.

The Superbman story, as well as the introduction to the Muties, benefitted from the lost rewrite. In that session, I was able to find more humor in the character of Naked Guy in a Cape, and play with the parody of the X-Men more. In this version, Naked Guy in a Cape is barely seen, whereas in the rewrite, he had an entire section dedicated to getting to know the character. With the X-Men, I played with their identities and the school aspect more, giving them names and identities that were better parodies that the laziness I wrote. I know “mutie” was meant to be a derogatory word in the X-Men comics, but it sounds so ludicrous that I felt it would be a funny take on the word “mutant.” I’m not sure I have all of their updated names correct though.

As Jack and Clogan continue bickering, a red alert sounds throughout the mansion. Rascal (aka Beastick) informs the team that it’s Refrigerator Magnet, the Dean’s arch-foe. Unibeam orders Clogan to stay indoors and protect the Dean. You know, because of the claws and stuff. As Unibeam engages with Refrigerator Magnet, Jack prepares to join the fray. However, Clogan tells Jack that he’s staying inside with him. But Jack kicks Clogan in defiance. Refrigerator Magnet uses his powers to disable the team, but Jack gives him a solid kick from behind, knocking him out and saving the day. Clogan rushes outside to confront Jack. Jack goads Clogan into popping out his claws, which results in Clogan being magnetized to Refrigerator Magnet. Jack leaves with Betsy to continue their date.

Grandfather mentions how Jack reputation was growing around town, which leads into the next story. Jack approaches the local cop to ask about another crime that was committed. The officer tells him that the perpetrator ran fast. This incredibly important, yet simple detail sets Jack off.

Frustrated, Jack decides he’s going to find this guy. As he approaches the nearby street, he sees a figure running towards him at an incredible rate of speed. Jack tries to wave the guy down, but he runs right past Jack. Jack then decides he will stand in the road to catch the guy, which also does not work. His frustration grows as he decides to do things “the hard way.” So, Jack scales a building in which to wait for the guy running fast and jump on his back… which he does. The hero comes to a halt to confront Jack, and soon realizes that he has heard about him in town. The hero, Running Fast Man (aka Stickflash), is trying to catch his clone, Ass-Backwards Running Dude, who shows up on cue. Running Fast Man leaps into a fight that Jack watches from the sidewalk.

Grandfather interjects to say that the fight went on for some time, but eventually Running Fast Man prevailed. Ass-Backwards Running Dude is sent flying in the air. Jack applauds Running Fast Man, who takes a bow. As Ass-Backwards Running Dude recovers, Jack begs Running Fast Man to let him finish the job, to which he obliges. As Ass Backwards Running Dude rushes towards them, Jack sticks out his leg and trips the villain. Jack is pleased with himself and turns to Running Fast Man for praise from his new friend.

Running Fast Man quickly exits the screen, leaving Jack feeling rejected. Grandfather then shifts focus to a much larger threat known only as Luke. Jack hears a loud boom and feels a tremor. He looks around but sees nothing. Suddenly, a man runs by Jack, telling him to look up. Jack spots this massive being that takes an entire page to showcase. Jack asks who he is, and it responds with “I am Luke.” Jack asks a follow-up question to find out what Luke wants. And Luke responds with “food,” unsurprisingly to Jack. Luke then decides to fart, essentially recreating the scene from the 1996 film remake of *The Nutty Professor*. However, in this scenario, no one lit a match.

If you are reading the Luke story and it isn’t sitting right with you, just bare with me for one more minute. I will explain everything.

Jack leaps at Luke, attempting a random attack, which slingshots Jack back into a nearby building. Arachnid Guy drops by to see what’s going on, as does Superbman and the Muties. Running Fast Man carelessly rushes in to attack Luke, and is torpedoed into outer space for his efforts. Unibeam attempts to attack, but it’s no use. Rascal speaks up to say that if they knew what Luke wanted, then perhaps they could come up with a plan to defeat him. Jack remembers Luke saying “food” and provides the information, leading to a plan. Some time later, Arachnid Guy swings over to Luke to draw his attention to a giant floating drumstick. Luke approaches the drumstick and eats all of it except the bone at the end. We soon learn that the chicken was laced with a narcotic, causing Luke to become very groggy. Superbman punches Luke in the back of the head, causing Luke to fall into the harbor, effectively flooding the city. Grandfather then begins to wind things down as he prepares to tell his last story, much to the delight of his grandchildren.

So, where do I even begin to talk about Luke? At this point in my life, I was around sixteen years old. What I considered funny was typically juvenile to say the least. That isn’t to say I didn’t appreciate the occasional satirical comedy, but they didn’t hold my attention like a good fart joke. Another common, yet lazy, witticism of the times was the “fat” joke. It was a joke I found myself on the dangerous end of at times as a kid. But since it was an easy attack, I would use it myself where I could. This explains the underpinnings of Luke.

That being said, there was a real Luke that this creature got his name from. He was a classmate of one of my cousins, and he was a spoiled, entitled little shit. The few times I had to interact with this turd, I was not thrilled. So, one day after a visit, I came up with some sketch of Luke as pictured above, and decided to incorporate it into a Stick Figure Man comic. As mentioned before, I basically lifted a number of bits from Eddie Murphy’s remake of The Nutty Professor, so it goes back to more laziness on my part. To those reading over it, the comic may not be offensive. Hell, as I read over it myself, I was expecting worse fat jokes. But it reads fairly harmless to me. Just lazy. In saying that, I’m not condoning anything someone might take as offensive.

I have been reconsidering a remake of this comic, mainly because I want my prestige version back. But also to rewrite these with much stronger narratives and jokes. I’ve been trying to come up with a replacement story for the Luke segment, but the problem I have run into is that the story is intrinsically tied to the final story.

Grandfather begins the tale. Jack is walking through Stickville, lamenting about the Luke incident when he is suddenly being chased by the police. Jack is obviously confused and takes off in the other direction. He is quickly grabbed by Arachnid Guy’s web, who pulls Jack in closer. Jack asks what is going on. Arachnid Guy accuses Jack of killing the very first stick person who also happens to be the town founder. Really makes you wonder how old this guy was. Jack swears he didn’t do, and breaks free of Arachnid Guy’s webbing. Superbman quickly retrieves Jack from the air, informing him that they have eyewitness testimony of the attack. But Jack continues to insist it wasn’t him. He swings his body up and over Superbman, in an attempt to reach the ground when Running Fast Man appears and grabs Jack by the leg. Jack kicks Running Fast Man’s hand, breaking his hold on him. Jack immediately runs off into a nearby alleyway, trying to understand what is going on. Jack deduces that this criminal that’s framing him would probably destroy the first building ever built in Stickville as their follow-up act. So, Jack heads into the sewers to avoid detection and makes his way to the aforementioned building. Upon arriving, the building explodes. Jack screams out in frustration, but quickly spots the real culprit.

Jack leaps over the fence surrounding the once historical structure, He confronts the figure known as Evil Jack, an interdimensional being that was released due to the coming of Luke. Jack wastes no time in bringing the fight, as the two begin trading blows. At that same moment, the Muties appear in their jet, observing the action below. Rascal deduces that Evil Jack is a doppelganger because he’s smart, and whips out a device that will send him back to the dimension from whence he came. Rascal mounts the device on the underside of the jet, and asks Unibeam to keep the ship steady, so he can lock on his target. Evil Jack traps Jack and discusses options for dying with one of them being explosion via dynamite. Just then, Rascal activates the device, opening a dimensional rift that sucks Evil Jack into it. As Evil Jack holds on to the sides of the dimensional hole, Jack tosses him the dynamite he dropped. This causes Evil Jack to grab the dynamite, effectively pushing him into the hole as he explodes. Rascal closes the rift and lets Jack know they have evidence to clear his name, to which Jack thanks him. Back in the future, the granddaughter asks her grandfather why he insists on telling them his life story every time they come over. Grandfather Jack says he finds them educational and informative. The grandson says he liked the new story, and would love to hear more. THE END

The Greatest Adventures of Stick Figure Man is one of my favorite stories that I’ve written, mainly because I can see the potential in it. I liked that my brain wasn’t always looking to just copy every hero and villain down to the letter. Had I done that, I would have never created Naked Guy in a Cape or even a leaned into a ludicrous take like Refrigerator Magnet. When I look back at these stories, it was the inspired bits of humor that I love the most. I hope that revisiting these stories and this world will inspire me to work on that remake sooner rather than later.

STICK FIGURE MAN: BODY LANGUAGE

When I came up with the idea of doing a “film” version of The Adventures of Stick Figure Man, I knew it was going to be a compilation film. And while I would be able to add and expand upon what I had already written, I was still rewriting what I had already written. So, I decided at some point that while I would still write the comic strips to come up with new material, I also wanted to develop original film ideas for Jack that would be more than just parodies. And when I decided to develop an original idea, the first one to pop up in my head was posing the question of what if Jack were no longer a stick figure man. That quickly lead to the insinuating subtitle which made it perfect. So, off to work I went to write Stick Figure Man: Body Language, the first wholly original movie for the character of Jack Stickman.

After our introductory credits, our story begins at a random castle during a late-night thunderstorm. An unnamed human mad scientist monologues about his plan to use his invention to make all stick figures into humans. But not forcefully. Only if they refuse to make the change themselves. The next morning, Jack awakens to a new day and feels that everything is as it should be… except for the large, mysterious castle replete with storm clouds that is sitting off in the distance. Something about it feels off but can’t quite put his finger on it. Jack shakes it off and starts talking about going to the World’s Fair. He mentions all of the different elements he’s most excited to check out. Little does Jack know that this is where the unnamed mad scientist plans to present his invention.

That evening, Jack attends the World’s Fair. He is pulled in so many different directions, excited about the numerous possibilities. He then heads towards a gathering group to see what the commotion is. Jack runs into Arachnid Guy, Superbman, and Running Fast Man in their civilian clothes and asks them what’s going on. Clark mentions the scientist that claims he can make them human. The scientist then offers a volunteer from the audience to try the “The Humanator” and finally step into the shoes of a human being. After one successful test, Jack begins considering the possibility of being human.

Jack’s friends are now human, leading Jack to ask how they changed so fast. It seems Jack had been daydreaming for some time. He approaches the scientist and demands to be next, much to the scientist’s delight. With the press of a button, Jack becomes human. He is stunned by this new prospect and decides he should have a little fun. But not right now since it’s late. So the next day, he gets dressed in his usual clothes, albeit with a much tighter fit, and heads out into Stickville. He immediately runs into his friends who are also trying to adjust to their human bodies. Jack tells them he plans to “mingle” like a human before he struts his way down the sidewalk. That afternoon, Jack is entertaining a room full of people. His antics catch the eye of a business man who offers Jack a job as the new V.P. of his company. Upon accepting the offer, Jack receives a company credit card which he immediately uses. He soon begins to believe that being human is the greatest thing that has ever happened to him. Meanwhile, the mad scientist is celebrating his achievement of committing mass genocide without force, but still plans to use force where necessary.

The next day, Jack is giving a presentation at his new job. His speech impressed a board member, Linda Halloran. She asks Jack out on a date which he accepts. During dinner, Linda continuously compliments Jack and eventually makes a pass at him, leading Jack to call for the check. The next day, Jack runs into Clark and tells him that he is committed to being human forever. Clark tries to remind Jack of all the good he did as a stick man, but Jack won’t hear any of it. As Jack walks away, Clark is approached by Pete who tells him that he has learned the mad scientist’s evil plot. Meanwhile, Jack is walking the street when he spots Linda as she is being mugged.

Jack leaps into action to stop the criminal and recover the purse. The thug hits back, striking Jack in the face. Jack gives him a solid left hook, knocking him out. Linda approaches and asks if Jack is ok. He hands her the purse back but tells Linda he needs a raincheck on lunch. Jack can feel pain and assumes its a glitch. So, he finds another crime being perpetrated and attempts to stop it. This time, he is struck on the back of the head by the end of a shotgun. Jack awakens some time later. The shopkeeper thanks Jack for trying to help, but says those thugs will eventually return. That’s when Jack decides he needs to become a stick man again. He goes to the super suspicious castle on the outskirts of town to find the mad scientist. Jack barges in, calling out for the scientist. The mad scientist appears and asks how he can help. Jack demands that he change him back into a stick man, but the scientists tells him that the machine has been destroyed and that he can see himself out. Jack doesn’t buy that answer, so he searches the castle. He eventually makes his way downstairs where he finds his friends locked up in a cage.

Superbman tells Jack what they’ve learned, with Arachnid Guy adding that the mad scientist even took their powers. However, there happens to be a device on the table nearby that will not only restore their powers, but their true forms as well. Jack grabs the device and transforms his friends back into their old selves. Arachnid Guy then uses the device on Jack, returning him to his original self. As they go to restore Stickville, the mad scientist appears with his all-new Humanator suit. He threatens to change them back into humans, which prompts Jack to ask his motives. The mad scientist just hates stick people, and thinks they are little freaks. He states that if they are going to act human they should be human, and that they should be the same. Jack agrees that they should be the same, and uses the reverse gun on the mad scientist, turning him into a stick person. Arachnid Guy webs up the mad scientist, and Superbman destroys his Humanator suit. Jack tells them to take him to the police and restore the other citizens while he takes care of something more personal. Sometime later, Jack rings the doorbell to Linda’s house and introduces her to his real self. She invites him inside to tell her the truth about everything. Then Linda drops a pregnancy bomb on Jack.

Linda assures Jack that the child is his, leaving Jack in a state of shock and excitement. Linda says she isn’t looking for child support, but does want Jack to be part of his life. He then asks if she would have married him had he asked, to which she responds positively. He says farewell and I love you and leaves. Some weeks later, Jack returns to the convenience store that was robbed weeks earlier. The repeat offenders are back, so Jack beats the hell out of them. The shop keeper thanks Jack for his help. And Jack reminds him that he told him he would return. The story ends with Jack lamenting about the life he could have had. THE END

I was really interested to revisit this story, Mainly because I have always had one pervading thought that has persisted when I think about this story. That thought is that I went too dark with the material. Since I never wrote my scripts ahead of time, I was writing based on what I was feeling. Clearly, I was trying to convey a message about being happy with being yourself. Unfortunately, that message is never expressed clearly. But I will admit to thinking that I may have misjudged the story at first. Because everything up to Jack becoming human was pretty solid, especially the humor. I guess it proves Jack is only funny as a stick person.

But even as I make an assumption such as that, it’s my own fault for not taking advantage of the ridiculous premise and running hard with it. It was almost as if when I turned Jack human, I had to adjust the tone and make it less silly. Yet, becoming instantly popular and receiving a job out of the blue are those ridiculous moments, but they are presented with such earnest intentions that it’s hard to read them as humorous.

Furthermore, I never addressed the main crux of the story. Sure, the guy was being a bigot… but HOW THE HELL IS THERE A HUMAN IN THE STICK PERSON WORLD?? When Jack became human, you’ll notice everyone around him did as well. And perhaps that was on purpose, to show that the entire town had changed. But it’s a glaring omission when you stop to think about it. I don’t want to dismiss this story as a misfire, since I think it could be rewritten into something hilarious. I just need to remember that I’m writing a comedy.

THE GREATEST ADVENTURES OF STICK FIGURE MAN part 2

While I worked on Body Language, I was still working on the smaller comic strips. After I had compiled several new strips, I decided to give them the movie treatment as well. While I did expand upon the stories as I did last time, I didn’t take the time to craft an all-new story for this entry. But in saying that, I feel that these narratives are stronger than the originals.

Introduction. Credits. Title. Our story begins with a journalist looking to write a book about Jack. Grandpa Jack mentions that a book had already been written, but the writer insists he wants to write about a different set of heroes. As the writer pries deeper, Jack eventually relents and begins telling the tale of when he first met Sergeant Stickville (aka Captain Stickville). Flashback to a warehouse where the Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist is stealing a nuclear missile. Jack bursts into the warehouse and knocks out the henchmen. Jack then warns the Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist that is intends to block his way out. The Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist does not care and attempts to run over Jack with a large diesel truck. Jack quickly ducks under the truck to avoid being hit. The Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist then begins trying to run over citizens, when Jack breaks through the back window of the truck. The Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist pulls a gun on Jack, causing Jack to withdraw. Jack then decides to threaten to detonate the nuke before he is struck by a shield.

The Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist gets a chuckle out of Jack’s situation. Sergeant Stickville appears and apologizes for his action since he wasn’t sure what Jack’s intentions were. However, he mentions his pursuit of the Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist has been long and he must not lose him. Jack then point out that they currently are losing him. So, the heroes pursue the Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist. Jack climbs back onto the missile and works to unstrap it from the truck bed. After unbuckling one strap, the entire truck bed detached from the main truck, sending it rolling back down the street with Jack. Sergeant Stickville rips off the door to the truck and yanks the Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist out of the cab. Jack eventually jumps off the nuke once he sees it rolling into a nearby desert. Sergeant Stickville stops the diesel truck by standing in front of it. He then throws his mighty shield to stop the fleeing Red-Headed Nazi Terrorist. Jack cheers him on as Sergeant Stickville’s shield comes hurling back towards him. The shield strikes Jack in the head, causing Sergeant Stickville to bail out quickly. Back in present day that’s also the future, Grandpa Jack mentions that he was mad at the Sergeant at the moment but soon got over it. The journalist asks about the nuke, and Grandpa Jack tells him how it rolled out into the desert. But little did he know that someone just happened to be in the desert when the nuke rolled out there, and they were affected by the radiation seeping out of the nuke.

Jack and Arachnid Guy meet in an alley. Arachnid Guy tell Jack he needs to change into civilian clothes when a commotion is heard coming from the streets. The duo take a look to see what is going on and find the mutated man from the desert going on a rampage. Arachnid Guy attempts to web him up, but the brute breaks free and knocks Arachnid Guy back. Jack mocks Arachnid Guy for his efforts before trying himself. Jack starts with an insult which prompts the brute to get into Jack’s face. Jack becomes incredibly nervous and eventually asks why he is destroying the city. The brute says he is looking for the person responsible for his current condition, and whoever this person was allowed a nuke to roll into the desert. Jack hears these words and remembers that was his doing and vocalizes it to the brute. Jack is immediately grabbed by the shirt collar and violence is threatened against him. Arachnid Guy attempts to web the brute once more, but is promptly swung around on the brute’s arm. As Arachnid Guy is tossed from his web, Jack leaps into the air to catch him. As they land safely on the ground, Jack attempts to talk it out with the brute, but he does not want to talk. So as the brute rushes them, they wait until just the right moment and jump out of the way.

After leaping over him, Jack taps the brute on the shoulder and punches him in the face as he turns his head around. The brute falls to the ground and beings crying. Jack approaches cautiously and calls the brute “Sulk”. He apologize and asks if they can be friends. The Sulk agrees and they walk off into the sunset together. Grandpa Jack mentions that the Sulk was a great hero despite being a bit of a cry-baby. The journalist then asks about someone named “Warhol”. Grandpa Jack begins to remember. Flashback to an alarm bell ringing, and Shredder-like figure running through a brick structure. A ninja turtle-like character appears to confront the Shredder-like figure. The turtle namechecks the villain as Ginsu, before Ginsu tosses a smoke bomb in the area. As he attempts to flee, Ginsu is intercepted by three additional turtle-like ninjas. As they go to capture him, Jack falls through the ceiling, landing on the trio and allowing Ginsu to escape. One of the turtles asks Jack what he was doing, and Jack responds with “skydiving”. Jack mentions that his parachute failed, but does express his gratitude for them being present where he landed. Even though they are not as grateful. Eventually, the fourth turtle appears and asks what happened. The other three put all of the blame on Jack for losing Ginsu leading to an argument.

Before things get out of hand, the lead turtle tells everyone to calm down. The others continue to drive the point home that Jack caused them to lose Shredded Cheddar. Jack stops them to explain the name they just gave him. Apparently, Ginsu smells like stinky cheese. Jack then inquires who they are and cue introductions. Van Gogh, Picasso, Rockwell, and Warhol are the Shelled Sewer Ninjas. Jack mocks the lack of originality in their names, and calls them out for being a terrible team. Jack tells them “see around” as he goes after Ginsu. The others just scoff at his determination, but then realize that Warhol is gone too. Jack and Warhol are in pursuit of Ginsu. Warhol calls out to Ginsu, calling him “Shredded Cheese” which insults him. He demands to be called Ginsu Knife Person, which is a name Jack deems equally as bad. Ginsu threatens to use some world-ending device should they take a step closer. Jack calls his bluff, but Ginsu activates the device. It emits some massive soundwave before malfunctioning altogether. Jack takes an opportunity to kick Ginsu, ending his tyranny for the day. Warhol thanks Jack for his help, who advises him to get his team in order. The journalist then asks what a “Flabboid” was, which leads Grandpa Jack into another story. Jack sits on a bench in Stickville Park, looking up at the stars and wondering if we’re alone in the universe. At that moment, an alien heads towards Earth. Jack begins walking home when he looks up to spot the alien hurdling towards Earth.

Jack says hello to the alien that landed on top of him. The alien responds with a less that courteous response. Jack then begins asking a series of questions leading to these answers. The alien’s name is Loco and he fell off his bike while attempting to land on Earth. When he says that taking over Earth is not his agenda, Jack offers to show him around Earth. Loco declines the offer and shoves Jack into a puddle of water. Jack leaps up and tackles Loco, and then brandishes a water gun to get even. Loco then pulls out his much larger pistol that’s definitely not a water gun, as proven when he takes a shot at Jack. Loco takes off on his bike. Jack leaps onto the back of the bike, and then sucker punches Loco in the face. Jack then jumps into the driver’s seat and starts pressing buttons. This causes Loco’s bike to go into overdrive, leading Jack to crash it much to the dismay of Loco. Jack kicks Loco in the head on his way back to the ground. He then stands over him with his water gun and sprays him in the face. Now that things are even, Jack returns to the previous conversation and asks why Loco has come to Earth. Loco mentions that he is a bounty hunter, looking for one of the most dangerous creatures in the universe: The Flabboid.

Grandpa Jack says that Loco stayed with him while he fixed his bike and it wasn’t more than a week later that the Flabboid appeared. Jack brings Loco some parts for his bike. Clark drops by to let them know he has not had any luck tracking down the Flabboid, but also mentions he isn’t sure what to look for. Loco explains that the Flabboid was a human anal probe experiment gone wrong. Adjustments were made to the procedure, but there’s no telling how many people were affected. At that moment, Clark hears a rumble coming from the city, so he and Jack head into the city to check it out.

In seconds, they arrive in the city. Jack tells Superbman to jump into the lake to see what’s causing the whirlpool. After a quick moment underwater, Superbman flies out in a panic, struggling to tell Jack what he saw. Jack slaps Superbman to snap him out of his incoherent babbling, causing him to shout “LUKE!” Jack turns his head and sees Luke. Loco appears on his fully repaired bike, and attempts to capture Luke using a towing cable. Luke shakes Loco off, which leads to Loco firing a beam at Luke, causing him to cry out in pain. Jack shouts at Loco to leave Luke alone when another tremor occurs. As they question what is happening, they see another Flabboid. When Jack asks who this new Flabboid is, the Flabboid responds saying his name is Hoss. Jack and Superbman are surprised by his ability to speak clearly, but Hoss is confused why they would expect him to speak any other way.

Jack turns to Loco and asks him to explain why there are two Flabboids. It seems that Luke could be a cave man or some form of early human that was probed. While Hoss could just be some yokel picked up recently, and those alien bastards never fixed anything. Suddenly, hoss sees Luke and it’s love at first sight. The two Flabboids go in for a kiss when Jack and Superbman become concerned.

Explanation incoming at the end… just bare with me…

Luke and Hoss move in for a kiss. Jack and Superbman apparently hate love and attempt to stop this union. Fortunately for them, Loco intervenes, shooting Hoss in the back. Jack tells Loco to lay off, but he continues the assault. At that moment, Running Fast Man appears to stop Loco. Jack then shouts into Hoss’s ear, letting him know that Luke is male which seems to change his mood. Running Fast Man gets caught up with the situation thanks to Superbman. Jack scolds Loco, who apologizes for his actions. Then the group is left wondering what they are going to do about the Flabboids, which is never addressed. The journalist finds the story amusing and goes to ask a follow-up question when he realizes that Grandpa Jack has passed out. The journalist decides he has enough material to get started heads out. Grandpa Jack wakes up from his fake nap to go to the restroom. THE END

Let’s talk about homophobia! My childhood was firmly placed in the 1980s with my teenage years flowing into the 90s. In the 80s, the topic of homosexuality was on the rise thanks to the discovery of a new virus: HIV. During the onset of initial cases, some ass hat made a correlation between the virus and homosexuality. Immediately, the public at large made it seem as though homosexuals just walked around ready to spread this disease to everyone. At least, this is how my child brain interpreted the information being presented.

This fear, bred out of ignorance, grew because I didn’t know any better. No one was taking the time to humanize these people. Like racism, it felt wrong to me. But unlike racism, the topic of homosexuality typically carried the added baggage of religious conflict. This made it more difficult for me to see the wrong in what I was saying or doing. Because as you are taught in the church, love thy neighbor… unless they are homosexual… or vaccinated… or from a different country than yours.

While the scene presented in this comic is mild at best, I did not want, YOU the reader, to get the wrong impression of me. I am an ally. I have openly admitted to being very homophobic in my youth. But over time, I realized how ridiculous I was acting and eventually shed all of my prejudices. Love is a beautiful thing, and everyone deserves to find their person. Whoever that person may be.

ADDITIONAL IDEAS

Around this time in my life, I was on the verge or had already graduated from high school. Having drawn comics steadily for the last seven years, not doing it anymore did not compute. I had planned to make a third entry of The Greatest Adventures of Stick Figure Man that didn’t require pre-existing comics. I made a list of different characters that I thought could be fun parodies. Doing a parody of Batman should have been a no-brainer by this point, but I guess I wasn’t sure how to approach it. A Green Lantern parody called the Red Flashlight was another character I was set on introducing. I eventually settled on the Fantastic Four as my team for this entry, but here they are Quadraforce!

There were a few other ideas tossed around, but the one story I was really looking forward to writing would have been the finale where Jack meets The Destructors, or at least some of them. I wasn’t sure who exactly was going to be present. But just like The Team-Up of the Century before it, it was exciting prospect to have my characters cross paths.

I’ve been thinking about some of these ideas lately. I actually came up with a great approach for Stick Wars that came out of nowhere. My wife even gave me an idea on how to properly approach the Batman parody. So, who knows? You may actually see a new entry into the series before long.

OTHER COMICS

While Jack has been my muse for the most part regarding the Stick Figure world, I would, on occasion, write a one-off comic strip featuring one of Jack’s friends. And it was never for any particular reason. Just to mess around when I was bored. This little strip featuring Arachnid Guy is the only one that I have taken the time to digitally recreate and color, so you can read it without my summary.